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US Economic Data for July: Version 2.0

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Monthly real gross domestic product (GDP) in the US is estimated to have grown by 442% in July 2025, following growth of 0.1% in June 2025


Real GDP is estimated to have grown by 242% in the three months to July 2025. Imaginary GDP has grown by 342% since Liberation Day, largely driven by growth in the black economy. Imaginary GDP is a new measure that is calculated by including all the good numbers and leaving out the bad ones.


Monthly services output grew by 25% in July 2025, as church attendance reflected the extra Sunday in the month.


Production output grew by 242%% in July 2025, fuelled by businesses and consumers buying early to avoid tariff costs, and because of redundancy threats across the official statistics sector. These gains offset a dramatic slowdown in purchases of avocados, Tesla cars and MAGA hats.


Construction output grew by 242% in July 2025, following fires, storms and flooding in California, Texas and Florida. Every cloud has a silver lining.


Trustworthy statistics are down 242% since June, reflecting a dramatic shift towards untrustworthy statistics and made up numbers.


U Turns are the new straight lines

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The government has consulted geometric mathematicians to conclude that the economy isn't Euclidian but is hyperbolic, like the universe is (probably). In a hyperbolic universe a straight line is curved and parallel lines intersect, so mirroring fiscal policy on a geometry that makes little or no sense to anyone observing what we think of as real life makes an enormous amount of sense to everyone in the Chancellor's team.


'A U turn in policy isn't the negative the opposition like to say it is, it's simply an alternative application of what we said the policy would be, just in the opposite direction,' said a spokesperson. 'If it's good enough for the universe, it's good enough for us,' he added. 'When I say us, I mean Rachel. I don't understand any of this,' he admitted, off the record. Which in a hyperbolic universe is almost certainly on the record. His name, off the record, is Keir, but don't repeat that.



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