U Turns are the new straight lines
- Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
- Jul 19
- 1 min read
The government has consulted geometric mathematicians to conclude that the economy isn't Euclidian but is hyperbolic, like the universe is (probably). In a hyperbolic universe a straight line is curved and parallel lines intersect, so mirroring fiscal policy on a geometry that makes little or no sense to anyone observing what we think of as real life makes an enormous amount of sense to everyone in the Chancellor's team.
'A U turn in policy isn't the negative the opposition like to say it is, it's simply an alternative application of what we said the policy would be, just in the opposite direction,' said a spokesperson. 'If it's good enough for the universe, it's good enough for us,' he added. 'When I say us, I mean Rachel. I don't understand any of this,' he admitted, off the record. Which in a hyperbolic universe is almost certainly on the record. His name, off the record, is Keir, but don't repeat that.
