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In another surprise initiative from an increasingly erratic administration, American President Donald Trump has announced that the four gigantic presidential heads chiselled into Mount Rushmore will be deported to Guantanamo Bay. 'It has come to the attention of Emp – er – President Trump that two of the four heads depict undocumented immigrants, the third is very ugly, and the fourth looks like he's wearing glasses, a sure sign of genetic inferiority,' said an administration spokesman.



According to knowledgeable insiders, the administration initially planned to replace all four deportees with Donald Trump heads. A late push by Elon Musk to reserve at least one spot for himself has generated internal tension, these sources claim. JD Vance would also like a place, though his request has been greeted largely with mockery. 'We see JD more as a dashboard ornament,' said one of the insiders.



If the move is carried out, it would be the largest sea transfer of human cranial representations since the shipment of Jose Mourinho to Fenerbahçe in Turkey last year. 'The Mourinho project was an immense engineering feat,' said Alfred Newman, Professor of Nautical Difficulties at the University of Portsmouth. 'A specialized cargo vessel was needed to accommodate his cranial immensity,' Newman explained.



The facilities at Guantanamo Bay are too small to store the heads indefinitely, but their ultimate destination remains uncertain. The administration has offered 'any nation in the world' $10 million worth of $Trump memecoins in exchange for accepting the heads, but the offer has 'inexplicably generated little interest,' according to the Trump spokesman. 'We may just have to invade someplace,' admitted one of the administration insiders. 'Greenland is pretty big, maybe we can just dump the damn things there.'



Before Musk, Trump and Putin, B L O'Feld led the field in World Domination.


Barry Liam O'Feld, CEO of B L O'Feld Megalomaniac Industries (BLOMI), wants a super evil secret lair building in a remote South Seas location to destroy the planet or possibly worse, so he needs a project manager; which is fortunate as Brian wants a job. Unfortunately Brian is a catering manager, so naturally he lies. Luckily for Brian, lying is a core value for O'Feld Industries.


In Project: Evil follow the progress of Brian’s project meeting by meeting, observing the interaction of the various stakeholders from the project sponsor to the humble henchpersons employed as cannon fodder as Brian struggles to keep the project on track. Not only does he have to cope with the warped logic of a company that doesn’t value its own life let alone that of its enemies, he has to deal with the unwelcome advances of the octogenarian Secret Service agent James Bund while also somehow project managing the Christmas office party as O’Feld rushes to beat his peer megalomaniacs such as Doktor Negatif and Gold Digit to be the first to destroy the planet.


If project management has ever seemed a mystery, a black art or even (improbably) a dull activity then Project: Evil may be the only book that will make you realise just how funny the subject can be. It may even help you understand why the bad guys feel inclined to run around in sh!t coloured pyjamas when the going gets tough. Recommended reading for all project managers and sufferers of their art form everywhere.


Ray Sullivan is a writer and editor for Newsbiscuit. He has ten novels published ranging in genres from comedy, science fiction and thrillers.



Available in ebook - £1.99


and


paperback format £5.99



Before Musk, Trump and Putin, B L O'Feld led the field in World Domination.


Barry Liam O'Feld, CEO of B L O'Feld Megalomaniac Industries (BLOMI), wants a super evil secret lair building in a remote South Seas location to destroy the planet or possibly worse, so he needs a project manager; which is fortunate as Brian wants a job. Unfortunately Brian is a catering manager, so naturally he lies. Luckily for Brian, lying is a core value for O'Feld Industries.


In Project: Evil follow the progress of Brian’s project meeting by meeting, observing the interaction of the various stakeholders from the project sponsor to the humble henchpersons employed as cannon fodder as Brian struggles to keep the project on track. Not only does he have to cope with the warped logic of a company that doesn’t value its own life let alone that of its enemies, he has to deal with the unwelcome advances of the octogenarian Secret Service agent James Bund while also somehow project managing the Christmas office party as O’Feld rushes to beat his peer megalomaniacs such as Doktor Negatif and Gold Digit to be the first to destroy the planet.


If project management has ever seemed a mystery, a black art or even (improbably) a dull activity then Project: Evil may be the only book that will make you realise just how funny the subject can be. It may even help you understand why the bad guys feel inclined to run around in sh!t coloured pyjamas when the going gets tough. Recommended reading for all project managers and sufferers of their art form everywhere.


Ray Sullivan is a writer and editor for Newsbiscuit. He has ten novels published ranging in genres from comedy, science fiction and thrillers.



Available in ebook - £1.99


and


paperback format £5.99


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