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Top five theories about the 'security incident' at Fairford

Writer: deskpilot
deskpilot
Oct 6

On 29 September, 2026, a farmer near Fairford Air Base called 999 to report suspicious activity. No sensible explanation has been offered about the security operation that ensued, leading to wild speculation about what really happened.


Here are the top five theories about the events that night (credit to: Mumsnet, Mossad, What Van Monthly, TikTok and The East Gloucestershire Argus & Bugle):


1. It was an MI5 operation at Trump's request - there was no threat to the air base. The only reason was to hand the US President a cheeky sound bite.


2. Doggers tricked - they all thought that they were going dogging. They should have suspected something was wrong when they were asked to arrive topless and to bring three white vans and extra petrol.


3. Reality game show gone wrong - the men who were arrested were on a night exercise for the new low-budget reality show 'Hidden Treasure'. Channel 5 has refused to comment. The speculation about a foreign actor is believed to refer to Anton du Beke.


4. Delivery prank - local pranksters ordered petrol from Uber, Deliveroo and Whoosh for delivery at 1 am to Whelford village. It's amazing what sort of chaos you can cause for under fifty quid.


5. Google maps hack - computer hackers working for a hostile power hacked the mapping app to send unsuspecting van drivers to Fairford Air Base. I think we've all had the doubtful benefit of Google's fascination with single-lane farm tracks.


If you have any further information about these events, then please don't call Crimestoppers, because we've already had enough.



Image credit: deep dream generator



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‘Let down’ supermarket scraps discount for emergency services staff

Writer: deskpilot
deskpilot
May 15, 2025

A well-known supermarket, that we are not naming (but it begins with the letter A) is rolling back its discount for public sector workers in the police, fire and health services.


A spokesman for the well-known supermarket (whose name also ends with the letter A) said, ‘We introduced the discount to recognise the amazing contribution of nurses, doctors and other health workers to the whole Covid thing.   We wanted to give something back, and we reckon we’ve done that.   So we are ending the discount to invest in low prices for everyone.  Not all heroes buy grapes.


‘We are withdrawing the scheme because it has run its course. The government has raised public sector wages, so nurses and police officers and firefighters can afford to pay full whack for their fruit and veg now. And it's been ages since Covid was a thing.  So.  That’s it, really.’


Industry insiders have pointed out that the well-known supermarket (which is run by a private equity firm that knows very little about retailing) may have other issues.


One insider said, ‘The well-known supermarket (which has its logo written in green) has raised concerns that the police don’t do enough on shoplifting. And one of its stores burned down last year, with firefighters arriving so late that they just brought marshmallows. And there is a story about a uniformed nurse who refused to look at a cut finger in one store because she’d just worked a 48-hour shift, or some other feeble excuse.


‘So there is a possibility that the well-known supermarket was just looking for an excuse to hike profits, jack up executive bonuses and screw the shoppers. So, business as usual, really.’




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