Another betting scandal has rocked the U.K as footage of, what appears to be, Gareth Southgate placing several bets on the date England will fail in their 2024 Euro bid. The footage has divided opinion with some commentators suggested it's a potential conflict of interest, whereas others are looking forward to Southgate finally winning something tangible.Â
When approached for comment, Southgate refuted the allegations "After all the kindness England supporters have shown me these last few weeks, it's very hurtful that people would suspect someone who looks, speaks and has the same account details as me as being me, placing a bet against England."
Whilst Southgate acknowledged the tournament had a shaky start, he never lost respect for the fans "The sheer dedication it must have taken to write that many death threats and abusive Facebook posts in such a short period of time just really shows the fan's passion for the game, it's touching, really."
"Receiving such pointed feedback about logistics of running an national football team of pro-level athletes from people who get out of breath walking to the fridge has been truly invaluable. But even with all that good humoured feedback, I just have a feeling that England's bid will end in failure this coming Sunday."
At press time, Southgate was seen lacing the starting 11's drinking bottles with a mystery substance, muttering "Looks like someone beat me to it." when approaching Harry Kane's.
Without a single shred of evidence, football commentators and pundits are still saying that the England team will 'grow into' the European football finals. Unable to find reasonable odds elsewhere, it is believed that seasoned gamblers in the mould of Ivan Toney are responsible for a huge uptick in bets on how many times Alan Shearer will repeat this nonsensical mouth ejaculation.
'I completely understand that pre-match build up has to create intrigue and jeopardy,' said a Dutchman. 'But there's a limit to suspended disbelief. And indeed the number of goals Oranjie can slot in the opening 30 seconds of the match.
'Shearer should slip the restraints of diamond formation commentary and pivot to "It's the sign of true champions when they can play like dogsh*t and still win". I tell you, a bet on him saying that phrase would earn odds of 66/1, and it's almost a dead cert when England trudge off the pitch 4-0 down at half time.
'You have a team of great players. The skill and consistency they have shown at club level is undoubted. It takes extraordinary discipline to conceal all of that ability for an entire tournament.'