We would have insisted on three pin plug for smartphones, says Truss

'Typical EU bureaucracy,' said a spokesperson for the prime Minister, 'insisting on a typical EU common connector for smartphones - the EUSB, probably. Our Brexit dividend means we can be more radical and helpful to UK consumers - everyone has a drawer full of three pin plugs, and we're telling Apple and Samsung to make their phones compatible with them. If they don't, great British manufacturing will take over the smartphone industry - we already lead the market in burner phones, but not sure how they come up with that trade name. Sure, they might be a bit bulkier to accommodate the three pins, but it will show we are different to the EU,' she said today.

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Number 10 claims that leaving the EU "nothing to do with Brexit"

At a Downing Street briefing, the prime minister's spokesman insisted that the UK leaving the EU had "nothing to do" with Brexit.

"It's nonsense to associate the two completely separate events", said Mr Wilfullyblind, "Obviously, there are lots of problems associated with leaving the EU, but that's nothing to do with Brexit; that's still a brilliant idea."

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MP vows to scrap remaining EU laws

Among the less than bright MPs contending for the post of Prime Minister is one who imagines that after leaving the EU and taking back control, there remain EU laws that British people are being subjected to. Commentators who witnessed the applause the MP gave on every occasion Boris Johnson said he got Brexit done are asking if she's quite the full shilling.

We asked a government lawyer what these outstanding EU laws might possibly be and were told by the lawyer that having looked up how many EU laws apply to the UK now, the list was blanker than a bagful of blank things.

However there may be something the contender for the PM post noticed, but the lawyers missed, so we've invited the MP to explain what these mysterious laws might be; and why we should fear them. We promise to post the MP's reply as soon as it's received and have stationed staff 24/7 On communications duty, in anticipation of hearing the reply.

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