MP vows to scrap remaining EU laws

Among the less than bright MPs contending for the post of Prime Minister is one who imagines that after leaving the EU and taking back control, there remain EU laws that British people are being subjected to. Commentators who witnessed the applause the MP gave on every occasion Boris Johnson said he got Brexit done are asking if she's quite the full shilling.

We asked a government lawyer what these outstanding EU laws might possibly be and were told by the lawyer that having looked up how many EU laws apply to the UK now, the list was blanker than a bagful of blank things.

However there may be something the contender for the PM post noticed, but the lawyers missed, so we've invited the MP to explain what these mysterious laws might be; and why we should fear them. We promise to post the MP's reply as soon as it's received and have stationed staff 24/7 On communications duty, in anticipation of hearing the reply.

Flags Europe Eu - Free photo on Pixabay

Rees-Mogg: "All UK mobile phones to use same coal scuttle standard by 2024"

Government Minister and Bash Street softy, Jacob Rees-Mogg, has announced that all mobile phones sold in Britain will not only be coal fired but must all use the same coal scuttle with a standard volume of half a sack.

Mr Rees-Mogg explained more "The tiny island of the EU are trying to suppress the mobile telephone charger market by insisting on new fangled 'electrical' connection to provide horse power, British telephones should use British coal mined by British children and we can make things much easier for British mobile telephone makers - of which, I'm sure there are many, by setting a standard for scuttle size by 1824 (sic)."

Image: Pixabay/Alexas_Photos

UK won't follow EU's plans for common charging cable

"The idea of us aligning our world-leading selves with one of the EU's so-called standardisation plots is, without saying, utter piffle and balderdash", began a No.10 spokesman at the most recent press briefing.

"We didn't achieve freedom and sovereignty simply to cast it all away on a bit of wire with a plug you can shove where you like.

"The Government will shortly be revealing plans for an Imperial multi-function phone-charger, cake-slice and bottle-opener. Much research has been undertaken by a team reporting directly to the Prime Minister here at No.10. Final details are still to be agreed, but British industry will soon once again be meeting the requirements of British government.

Demand for these valuable items may even run in to double figures. In order to reflect the true nature of global Britain leading the way in such technologies, this particular device will be unbalanced, not levelled and have a natural twist to the right. The latest prototype has seen the inclusion of a pencil facility, in order that users may draw a line under things."

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