Exchange rate of Elon Musks plummets $42 Billion

Elon Musks are the world's worst investment.

During the last three minutes, Elon Musks have dived by an amount of money you can't imagine. Investors who style themselves to look like Elon Musks so as to attract crypto gold diggers have been scrambling to change their appearance to something a bit more Zuckerbergy. From eugh to ew.

Musk Holdings admitted that the run on Elon Musks was embarrassing, uncomfortably moist, and that they were desperately reforming a faux bailout package. The hastily thought up on the spot plan is to flood the market with 0% Musk credit, a scheme whereby no one pays any interest at all to Elon Musk.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/gam-ol-2829280/

UK Gilts appearing on Ebay, the dark web, Essex Car boot sales

British Gilts have continued their downward spiral in recent financial turmoil and are increasingly being spotted at car boot sales and on digital auction platforms.

'I couldn't believe it' said Mary Becking (47), from Colchester, Essex. 'Me and Dave my husband were just strolling around the Colchester 'Giveaway Sunday' car boot sale in the church car park. Dave says to me 'What's that in between the XBox and the paperweight glass tiger?' We looked closely and it was this Government Certificate, a 'Gilt' or something which was 50% off, and there was a yellow sticky on it saying "3 weeks old, get your money back and more, 25 years from now!".'

'I thought it looked good value - I do like a bargain - but then we noticed someone had written "Tory Scum" in felt pen at the bottom which made it feel a bit cheap. My son Derek works in the City. He said we'd get better value buying the knocked off toilet paper they were doing two rows down.'

As she pondered the offer however, her teenage son Matthew put things into perspective: 'There's tons of these going on Ebay Mum and there's something dodgy about it. Every time we refresh the page, the "Buy It Now" price has gone down and people are complaining they already bid more than it was worth just 5 minutes earlier! It's like the whole thing has been made up by some politician who is completely disconnected from the real world.'

For Mrs Becking, the risk was too high. 'My mortgage has just gone through the roof, so it's essentials only I'm afraid. There's a lady down there who says she's selling a "low tax vision for the future" so I'm going to see what that's about. It looked a bit fuzzy and unclear when she was unpacking, but you never know. If you wait long enough, maybe she'll get her act in order and it'll stop looking like a complete pile of cobblers'.

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Image: Roberto Pansolli (@il_pans) | Unsplash Photo Community