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Compensation for spurious compensation claims



A man was today encouraged to claim compensation for having once been lured into making a spurious compensation claim.


Colin Sawdust of Oswestry bought his Toyota Yaris using a finance provider suggested by the car dealer.


'To be honest, I was perfectly happy with the service. The interest rate was reasonable, and didn’t suddenly go up after a year like they sometimes do.


'Then one day I saw an online ad mentioning the name of the finance company, saying I was in some way a victim and deserved compensation which could run into thousands. Enough to buy the latest model Yaris, in fact.'


Thus began a frustrating process of filling in forms and digging out old paperwork and bank statements, lasting several months, until it turned out the company hadn’t done anything wrong so he didn’t get a penny.


'It left me feeling annoyed at the pointless waste of my time,' said Sawdust. 'So naturally I was intrigued by this ad suggesting I deserve compensation for this. Now I just have to track down the original agreement I signed, and… bloody hell, I’ve done it again, haven’t I?'


Meanwhile a number of finance companies complained about the amount of their time wasted by greedy lawyers preying on the gullible, prompting one of the lawyers to offer to get them compensation on a no-win, no-fee basis.


Traders brand pound a "sick disgrace" as it falls to an all-time low



Britain's pound fell to what currency traders said was an "all-time low" yesterday evening when it turned up drunk to a party and started touching up its cousin, the Swedish krona.


"Sterling's been on a downward spiral for some time now, and it's been pretty sick," said one foreign exchange dealer, staring at his screens with an icky look on his face. "But it just hit rock bottom.


"Our currency is a disgrace, and I will never spend quids again," said the trader, primly. "Except on cocaine and strippers, of course."



Another massive compo payout for the ill-informed and easily manipulated


In a further blow for all the people who read the small print, they will miss out yet again on free money.


The otherwise pristine reputation of car salesman has been tarnished by a court judgement on car finance 'secret' commission payments. Anyone who meticulously sourced their own finance and didn’t just nod and sign when buying a car may miss out on a wad of compensation spondoolicks.


Reading a carefully worded statement, a representative of all the people who are cautious and diligent when undertaking large financial transactions said: 'Dammit, not again!'


The PPI scandal (Payment Protection Insurance), not the PPE scandal (Personal Protective Equipment), was a massive score for anyone who didn't decline the blatant needless extra costs that were greedily added by banks. Compensation for PPI mis-selling was a major act of justice that prevented banks from committing fraud for several weeks.


Although not as complicated as another classic bank mis-selling technique known as the Interest Rate Swap switcheroo, which at least made the effort of being deliberately confusing, this cheeky manoeuvre on car finance was as basic as just hiding the commission details.


A nodding fool exclaimed, 'Yes Boieee! I am a financial genius and will learn nothing!'


Photo by Stockcake: chequebook-illustration-art_557595_195734


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