BBC cooking show slammed 'pretentious and dangerous' by Fire Chief

Fire Crews were called to the set of BBC’s Great British Menu during filming for the new series, celebrating the work of the NHS, when one dish caused a major emergency and very nearly burnt the studio to the ground .

Contestant Paul Chattem was creating his much-admired - Ironic Vesuvius Erupting Amid Clouds of Compassion Caught Somewhere In Gran’s Fading Mind - when things went badly wrong.

'I had just sprinkled shavings of unicorn scrotum over heritage irradiated wasp excrement and fired up my ex army flamethrower to meld it into a lava flow. But that's when things went a bit mental,' Paul said.

It's understood the WW2 device was set on full power and instantly a 30-foot long flame shot out licking the back Judge Tom Kerridge's jacket.

Chief Fire Officer, Reg Knaphill, who headed up the team that eventually brought the conflagration under control was less than impressed when speaking to reporters.

‘I am sick of it. Heston Blumenthal has a lot to answer for. Molecular Gastronomy? Molecular Gastronomy my fucking arse! What's wrong with plain old Ham, Egg and Chips?’

image from pixabay

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Shock in Pontypandy as Fireman Sam’s ‘hero’ reputation goes up in smoke

The Welsh village of Pontypandy has been left reeling by the news that ‘hero next door’ Fireman Sam is actually a sexist, racist, bullying pr*ck.

Chief Fire Officer Boyce received complaints from female firefighters Ellie Phillips and Penny Morris, who said Sam frequently sends them inappropriate images of his ‘fireman’s hose’, and texts inviting them to polish his ‘big, red engine’. There have also been accusations of bullying from firefighter Elvis Cridlington, who said Sam regularly sh*ts in his helmet. Nurse Helen Flood reported that Sam often makes racist remarks towards her, and café owner Bella Lasagne said he's always taking the p*ss out of her Italian accent. Bella also stated that her real name is in fact Maria Conti, and ‘Bella Lasagne’ is actually an offensive nickname given to her by Sam.

Chief Fire Officer Boyce said, “The whole village is ablaze with talk of Fireman Sam’s incendiary behaviour, and the good reputation of Pontypandy’s Fire Service has been reduced to ashes. These allegations have sparked a major investigation, and as a result Sam’s career ambitions within the Fire Service will be extinguished. He won’t be climbing the ladder - he’ll be fired immediately, and I don’t care if he is put out about it. Hopefully losing his job will damp down his enthusiasm for behaving like a flaming w*nker, but I doubt it.”

Image: PublicDomainPictures | Pixabay

Incendiary situation attended by misogynists