Tucker Carlson announces engagement to 92-year-old tycoon

A former Fox News host has proudly shown off an Asscher-cut diamond solitaire ring to reporters after a billionaire media tycoon ‘popped the question’ on the steps of Capitol Hill. The blushing host told reporters:

‘My beau is very traditional. He insists I give up my day job.’

Tucker’s intended has been married thirty-seven times before, mostly to troublesome employees who he relocates to Australia before dumping them. Tucker, who was previously married to Donald Trump, becomes step-mother to forty seven children.

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Aristocrats all want COVID now the Queen has it

Just like they did before with Scottish country estates and vicious little dogs, the Royals have set off another aristocratic fashion craze - catching COVID.

"Frankly, I'd always thought it was a bit of a pleb's ailment," said Lutetia Arling-Gobeaton, 37th Duchess of Hemel Hempstead. "All those dreary urbanites are falling like ninepins, you know. But now that Lizzie has shown the way, it's de rigueur to come down with - cough cough - I say, do you have a lateral flow test kit I could borrow?"

It's understood that the elite social calendar is being rapidly restructured to maximise infection opportunities, with several fox hunts now holding their meets in nursing homes. However, some are sounding a note of caution, as it's thought that the novelty appeal of the coronavirus could "quickly wear orf" should the Queen actually die from it.