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Israel achieves impossible -makes people like Greta Thunberg

Said one exasperated middle-aged climate denier: 'I can't stand the sanctimonious bint but who the f$$k stops food getting to starving kids? I don't believe in global warming or saving pandas but I do believe in not being a genocidal cockwomble.'


Israel's act of piracy, in international waters, has split opinion between those who like children to live and those who like to be Bond villain. Thunberg herself has gone from harmless eco-activist, to existential threat to Zionism and, much to everyone's annoyance, into someone you might have a pint with. 'I really want to keep hating her but if you're going to make me choose between her and Benjamin Netanyahu, I'm picking the one not heading to the Hague.'



Israel finally solves Gaza’s obesity crisis

Updated: Jun 5



Providing hope for weight-watchers and genocidal maniacs everywhere, Benjamin Netanyahu has managed to reduce the average weight in Gaza to negative figures. Said a spokeswoman: ‘In the last few years the weight of Palestinians had sky-rocketed, but once you took the rubble off them, they were loads lighter.’


Coupled with preventing food aid, the Israeli government have been able to enforce a rigid detox diet – if you count bread and water as toxic. ‘Helping them to shift that Christmas weight, despite Christians being 1% of the population. And those who did not even know they were fat, have felt the pounds drop off – along with unwanted arms and legs.’


Those trapped in Gaza have been less than complimentary about the low carb diet they have been put on. Despite everyone now being the kind of thin only a 1990’s super model could dream over, many are demanding actual food. She said she was not disheartened by Palestinian complaints: ‘You can’t win with those guys. It’s always feast or famine.’


image from pixabay


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