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Labour did not oppose ceasefire, except yes, yes it did


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As a tentative hostage exchange is agreed in Gaza, the Labour Party have been backpedalling like a unicyclist rolling down The Alps. Smiling through gritted teeth, the Shadow Cabinet look as happy about peace as Ghengis Kahn's arrow supplier.


Hastily re-writing history with Tipp-ex and a crayon, Sir Keir now claims he sacked pro-peace members of his party due to an admin error. This is known as 'Schrodinger's Starmer' simultaneously lying to your face and talking out his arse.


He has even been forced to bin 1000 t-shirts printed with 'We don't negotiate with terrorists'. A spokeswoman curtly explained: 'We will tell you our position, just as soon as the US has told us what it is.'




Heart-rending Gaza hospital footage actually filmed in Basingstoke


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The BBC was left with egg on its face today as it emerged that, due to a mislabelling error, footage purportedly showing the chaos in a recently bombed hospital in Gaza was actually filmed in Basingstoke Hospital’s A&E department last winter.


“It looked just like a war zone,” protested the embarrassed reporter. “It was so overcrowded, people were lying on the ground waiting for a space on a trolley to open up. And everyone was covered in dust as if a bomb had gone off, though that turned out to be from RAAC concrete being removed in the next room.


”Though I suppose the number of people walking around with clipboards without interacting with patients or doing anything useful should have been a clue it was the NHS.”


Israel immediately issued a statement saying it had not bombed the Hampshire hospital, though it wasn’t ruling out anything that might pressure the BBC to make its coverage more favourable.




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