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Boris Johnson joins GB News to front Brexit lullaby hour


Boris Johnson has lurched into sight again by announcing he will be joining the GB News lineup. What is more interesting is the show he will be fronting: The Brexit Lullaby Hour.


The show has been described as “A warm bath of reassurance and mutual Brexit appreciation”. Shouting the show, Mr Johnson will go through the “many” Brexit advantages we have gained since leaving the European Union. He will also have an ASMR section where he will whisper, in his unique pound shop Churchill tones, various platitudes such as “soon we will be at the sunlit uplands”, “blue passports” and “up yours Delors”.


Guests will include Nigel Farage, where it is rumoured he will duet with the song “islands in the stream” Richard Tice for a wrestling match and Nadine Dorries for a weekly fantasy book club feature.

Spanish FA’s sexism gets out-Fox-ed



Now that the GB News gig may be up, self-styled 'man' and confirmed 'bellend' Laurence Fox is angling to be appointed the manager of the Spanish women’s football team. After all, what that team really needs is the unwanted attentions of a man.


Fox is thought to know little about football and definitely nothing about women, so he is likely to select the 11 Spanish players that 'any self-respecting man would climb into bed with'. It’s not yet clear if he will include any of Spain’s current World Cup winning squad or even if he will field a goalkeeper.


A spokesgammon for Fox bellowed 'Cruyff’s total football requires any player to play in any position. So does Lozza’s - any position in bed with a self-respecting man that is. Oi oi!'


'Surely Billie Piper will take him back now?'




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