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In what some see as a desperate attempt to double its viewing number, GB News has signed former football star Roy Race of Melchester Rovers to cover the World Cup. The popular footballist, famed for his bicycle kicks, double-nutted power headers and ability to score winning goals when every bone in his body had been broken, is seen as a coup for GB News.

Roy of the Rovers, as he was known at the peak of his footballing career, was overlooked by Sir Alf Ramsey in the 1966 World cup to the lament of his fans, who insist that had he been selected, Germany would have thrown the towel in at half time.

Newsbiscuit looked into the mystery of why Sir Alf declined to include Britain's greatest ever footballer from the team and discovered that Race refused point blank to be part of a team that had foreigners in it; or anyone who looked like they might have a drop of foreign blood in them, or even had a foreign sounding name.

GB News describe him as the salt of the earth type character that Britain lacks these days; and are optimistic that the football hero will not only inspire youngsters to take an interest in football, but encourage them to consider how great Britain once was, back in the days when football trains were being trashed by supporter


With the first four days of GB News blighted by technical and audio issues, as well as blatant false named being read out, the head of production for the fledging channel has now instructed all presenters to become conversant in semaphore to assist in content delivery.


"I'm aware it's far from perfect," said Broadcasting Under Manager Michael Oxenlong this afternoon. "However, with the grainy video cameras and second-hand microphones I've been given to get this channel on the air, getting the presenters to hold flags and spell out the news letter-by-letter is about the only way I can get our message across. I've had to be careful though, Michelle Dewberry got too animated during a lockdown discussion yesterday and accidently spelt out 'Immigrants welcome.'"


Oxenlong's boss, William Stroker, was hoping this would be a temporary measure, remarking, "It's been a challenge to get such a new and important station on-air and delivering important content like regional variations on bread roll names and the defence of known sex-offenders on the basis of pure semantics. However, I've had a promise that our first tranche of advertising money will be spent on new AV equipment. I can't wait to see that roll, barn, or cob in!"





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