Michael Tomlinson has taken to Twitter to express his anger at being left off of "Portillo moment" lists.
'I am a minister of state and as such losing my seat should be a big moment of the election. I've been privately coaching the Labour candidate to mouth 'oh gosh!' when it happens.'
When Mr Tomlinson was reminded that he was the Minister of State for Countering Illegal Migration he responded, 'Oh bugger, that's me is it?'
Mike Davies, forty-two from Northwich, has just discovered that he is expected to vote today.
'Nobody told me the government had called an election, there wasn't anything in the newspapers apart from a few cryptic headlines, and apparently I must have junked the polling card into the recycling because I haven't seen it anywhere,' he said today.
Despite claiming to be politically active, Mr Davies says his wife hadn't mentioned anything and as she had double-booked all his normal Conservative Association meetings for the last month he hadn't been anywhere near the club. 'I'm sure someone would have mentioned it if I'd popped in,' he said.
Mike claims to being 'quite tech savvy' but unfortunately his WhatsApp messages and groups seem to have been lost, as have all his email and phone contacts. His wife, who is a tech consultant, is trying to retrieve all his data and has loaned him a brick phone until she gets his up and running.
'It's taken an age but she's very busy, she's out walking a lot in that orange tabard she's taken to wearing when out and about - hi viz I guess, safety first - and has been delivering leaflets advertising community events or something. She reckons she'll have my phone sorted by Friday, so I'll be able to check the results then. Meanwhile I need to work out how to get to my polling station, which apparently is one hundred and sixteen miles away and she's booked to take her mum out all day leaving me carless.
'Never mind, I'll get there and vote Tory as usual. I'm sure she's sorted something out for herself,' he said.
Amid the unrelenting media demand for opinion polls, frustrated citizens have told Newsbiscuit they are fed up with being asked whether they’ve changed their minds over booting the Tory Party out of office on July 4.
'It’s gone way beyond a joke when you can’t even take a leak without some idiot with a clipboard standing next to you, asking “If you had a photo of Starmer and Sunak together, to put in the urinal, which one you’d aim your piss at?' said Dave Smiff, an Amazon delivery driver who values the rare opportunities he gets to empty his bladder.
We asked the Labour Party if it had any intentions of clamping down on WC poling and were told “Of course we will. Haven’t you read our manifesto?”
