As invisible as the rest of the Emperor’s new clothes, the 'energy price cap' is set to enter the dictionary alongside other more established phrases that mean useless. Like ‘levelling up’ or ‘Liz Truss’.
A Conservative spokesman made it rain in the club before shouting ‘Listen to me, peasants! Wear your energy price caps at a jaunty angle and let the good times roll, baby! Or alternatively, pair your energy price cap with some concrete boots and get drowned by debt! This Conservative Government will generously permit peasants to have jam tomorrow, as well as some lovely chocolate teapots. Sadly, as peasants, you won't be able to afford to boil the kettle to make any tea. He can’t alter Tory policy, but we blame Keir Starmer, so does the Daily Mail and so should you peasants.’
Image: Pixabay/PublicDomainPictures
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First published 31 Aug 2022
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With energy bills set to rise for millions in October as Ofgem increases the energy price cap by 4%, the Government is also expected to announce its widely-anticipated cap cap on Northerners.
From 17th October, there will be a limit for people in the north to own no more than two caps - one to wear during the day and one to wear at night in bed - in the hope that people in the south do not get caught out like last year, when a dearth of hats caused excessive banging of teaspoons against saucers in Royal Tunbridge Wells and the near-cancellation of the Royal Ascot Ladies Day.
Mr Tom Bowler, Minister for Headwear and Protective Coverings, is expected to encourage Northerners to donate any caps that they no longer require to those less fortunate in the south so that they, too, can stay warm in the winter.
'This is a good way that we can protect the environment and use less fossil fuels,' Mr Bowler said, 'so not only are we all able to help the Earth, but we're also saving money, too, by not turning on the heating. So I urge everyone int' north to donate any unused caps, hats and headwear to us southern jessies, so that we can all be safe and warm this winter.'
image from Google Gemini
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