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Government creates new fear: Nano Boats


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After initiating panic about small boats, fear was mongered to a maximum level by introducing the concept of Nano Boats. These microscopic water-based vehicles could be invading into orifices throughout the UK RIGHT NOW! You could have could hundreds IN YOUR EYES AT THIS VERY MOMENT!


The minuscule vessels are probably transporting illegal immigrant nanobots, the worst kind of nanobot. These would probably be then placed in minute 5-star hotels and both not have jobs and take jobs away from our brave, British tiny robots workers.


Offering no visible evidence of these invaders, the government said this is proof of their insidiously small size. They then muttered something about reducing net migration, but this was just a confused comment about reducing net sizes small enough to catch nano boats.


image from pixabay



YouTuber accused of intentionally crashing plane headhunted for senior Government role


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The Government has responded to claims that they've scouted someone for a ministerial post who intentionally crashed a plane.

'Yes, we were a little worried that he might have done it intentionally,' said a Government spokesperson, 'but as the old adage goes: think incompetence before malice, but never rule out malice...and we've adopted that as our recruitment strategy.

'If he'd crashed the plane by mistake and made oodles of money for himself after parachuting down unharmed, we'd definitely be tapping him up for a Cabinet position. If it was intentional, well, he'll still fit right in at the heart of UK Government.

'The only problem is deciding what department to put him in: the economy, the NHS, education...his talents suit all of them, but where would he be perfect? Oh wait, I know...Brexit!






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