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Government stockpiling sewage against future shortages

The government has announced a deal with New Zealand to supply sewage in case we have a constipated winter.

"The Great British public tend who have a more 'solid' diet in the winter." explained Chris Grayling, "if that combines with increased rainfall, we will be in the position of having more river water than we can pollute with home produced crap.

"And the sewage is not just for the rivers; I've been tasked with finding a way to burnish shit to a high gloss finish. So I need a lot of turds and a supply of turd polish. Results have been a bit 'mixed' for the last 7 months, but I'm the kind of chap who will not stop doing a thing just because it doesn't work, I'll carry on doing it expecting different results. Luckily, my colleague Matt Hancock has a mate who can supply the polish - it is rather expensive, but well worth it."

When asked, Mr Grayling explained the cost of importing sewage from New Zealand and turd polish from a mate of Matt Hancock.

"It's costing £350million a week. I don't see what's funny about that."

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2023. szept. 01.

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