Iran's Terrorist Support Network Exposed

Analysts deep diving Iranian support for terrorist groups have just published their findings, with astonishing results.

"Hamas, Hezbollah, Houthi -- the connection is so obvious that we have completely overlooked it"

"The simplicity has caught us off guard. Just breathtaking"

The jubilant spokesman continued

"Now we can use this information to end the reigns of terror from extremist, fundamentalist groups such as the Hailsham Girl Guides, Hull Kingston Rovers and Help The Aged"

It was then pointed out that the House Of Commons would also fall within this mesh of suspicion. The spokesman looked pensive for a moment, before commenting

"That would explain a lot of things"

Hartlepool United are still currently blacklisted by the UN, UEFA and the Boys Brigade.

image from pixabay

Netenyahu v Hamas

Israel expresses interest in Iceland's volcanoes

The Israeli Defence Force have formally asked Iceland if they can borrow 'some of those lovely volcanoes'.

An IDF spokesman said 'We enjoyed that thunderclap thing Iceland did at the Euros, but we're not quite sure if we could weaponize that. What we want is a few pyroclastic flows charging down the full length of the Gaza strip. We want a tidal wave of molten rock, several miles wide that fills every tunnel, turns the sky red and destroys everything and everyone – really get biblical on their ass. It is the Holy Land after all.'

'It would help us to uproot Hamas. It might even demolish a bit less of Gaza's remaining infrastructure and kill fewer journalists and civilians but please be assured, those are secondary considerations.'

In a separate development, the IDF put out another statement distancing themselves from Iain Duncan Smith.

Image: Ása Steinarsdóttir (@asast) | Unsplash Photo Community