King aghast at Harry’s charity problems

King Charles is reported to be horrified at Harry’s disastrous problems with the Sentabale charity.

Sources report him as saying, ‘This is pretty basic stuff.   Charity work is the third most important thing about being royal.  And he’s making a pig’s ear of it.

‘The first and second most important things about being royal are, number one, smiling.   Closely followed by number two, waving.  Mind you, that lad was only ever adequate at smiling and only satisfactory at waving.

‘He has probably exhausted himself with that smiling and waving, and that’s probably why he’s made such a mess of the charity work.  And it’s with a charity that is closely associated with his mother, for goodness’ sake. That boy is such an idiot.  And I don’t suppose that She Who Must Not Be Named has done anything to help Harry either.  Heavens above.  What a shit show.  Is that the expression?  Not something Mummy ever used to say.

‘And don’t tell anyone I said that.’

Image credit: Wix AI

Meghan and Harry in dispute with What 3 Words

Meghan and Harry are taking legal action against location service What 3 Words. Meghan says that the service should not allow users to identify their home in Montecito, California.

Meghan is particularly upset that the location of their house is identified by the three words useless.royal.losers

The company says that the identification words are entirely coincidental, and are generated without human intervention by a computer algorithm. It has pointed out that useless.royal.losers only identifies one three metre square area of Harry and Meghan's property. Other parts are identified by unrelated three word phrases such as james.hewitt.lovechild, smug.pointless.tossers and desperate.gormless.phonies.

Image: WixAI / Blur image online

Harry and Meghan save LA

Harry and Meghan have been handing out food to residents affected by the wildfires in Los Angeles as blazes continue to sweep across the region.

They comforted volunteers and handed out samples of Meghan’s American Riveria Orchard goodies to evacuees. Recipients were thrilled to receive individual portions of exclusive foods, including Matsutake mushroom pate, Kopi Luwak coffee, and Caciocavallo Podolico cheese. ‘These pseudo-royals know how to live it up,’ trilled one lucky recipient, ‘but to be honest, I’d have preferred a burger.’

Meghan had dressed down for the event, and was wearing a blue LA baseball cap. She was photographed speaking to a distressed celeb, telling her that she knew what it was like to have your world turned upside down and to end up with nothing.

Meghan told reporters, photographer and influencers, ‘We didn't come out here for publicity.  We came out here to help our neighbours overcome this terrible tragedy.   Would you like to try some of my Densuke watermelon?’

Picture credit: Wix AI