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Harry and Meghan lookalikes ‘tortured’

An agency representing celebrity doppelgangers is speaking out about the ‘appalling’ treatment of its staff. In particular, their Prince Harry and Meghan Markle lookalikes have been subject to cruel and unusual behaviour approaching torture.

A spokesman explained that the formerly-royal lookie-likies used to enjoy opening village fetes, or supermarkets, or appearing at corporate events. Sadly, as public disaffection with Harry and Meghan has grown, this has affected the kind of work on offer.

Nowadays, the Harry and Meghan lookalikes are being hired for work which often involves humiliation rather than adulation. One lookalike said that he’d been hired for a corporate ‘primal screaming’ session. He had to sit on stage reading from ‘Spare’ while employees took turns to scream very loudly at him. This had affected his self-esteem, and his hearing.

On another assignment, a Meghan lookalike was hired to be put in the stocks, so that wedding guests could pelt her with rotten tomatoes. And last month she was hired to sit for three hours in a bathtub full of baked beans while junior solicitors did embarrassing disco dancing around her and got very drunk. ‘I wouldn’t mind so much,' she said, 'if I could claim the cost of cleaning my dresses. Stains from tomatoes and baked bean juice are very hard to get out. Also, people are very reluctant to give me any tips and don’t want to take any selfies with me, let alone to pay for them.’

The agency said that, in response, they were setting new boundaries. A recent request for ten Meghan's was turned down as it wouldn’t have been safe to use them as human bowling pins. The agency is helping the affected staff members to take costumed work instead, as characters like Shrek, Voldemort and Mr Blobby received more appreciation and better treatment from customers.

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