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Peerage analysts, if such a profession could exist, are frantically wondering how Johnson's hairdresser could be awarded any gong for doing his hair. Apparently both the Association of Hairdressers and the Privileges Committee wanted her to be struck off for bringing the profession into disrepute.
It has also been noted that the peerage awarded to Michael Fabricant actually only applies to his wig, which presumably will be tended to by Johnson's be-gonged hairdresser. In fact, Michael Fabricant's wig and Boris Johnson's hair haven't been seen in the same salon at the same time. 'It could be a mistake,' said a forensic hairdresser, a profession marginally more likely than a peerage analyst, 'to err is human, two hairs is inhuman. Maybe Boris ennobled Fabricant's wig because he thought it was his hair in a mirror.'
One prominent Peerage Analyst spoke on the condition of anonymity ' It's almost as though peerages are entirely made up and deeply silly and have no place in a modern society. When the revolution comes, it'll be them and the forensic hairdressers first up against the wall.'
ModelMaker - Jun 9, 2023
Following the Commons' win over the House of Lords in the tug of war for Nadine Dorries and Alok Sharma, all the major bookmakers are now taking bets on similar contests taking place for control of the Tory party.
Our parliamentary sports correspondent reports that it's going to be a difficult one to call as so many Tories are fat bastards and it's likely to depend on which teams have to pick lightweights like Rishi Sunak and Jacob Rees Mogg.
An aide said 'Some of them find it as humiliating as they were last to be picked, for teams at school. They are so vain, they imagine they'll be among the first to get picked, or their friends will feel duty bound to pick them, forgetting that membership of the Tory party eliminates them from having real friends.'
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