Floor of Commons renamed 'Rubicon'

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Sunak instructs Border Control to attend House of Commons

Members of the UK Border Control have been seconded to the House of Commons to prevent migrants crossing the floor.  Labour have opposed the move, citing the persons crossing over have been subject to 'bad men', have been witnesses to terrible crimes and are fleeing a fascist regime full of misogynists, perverts and racists. 

The Conservatives maintain the people attempting to cross over are merely economic migrants, hoping to bleed the taxpayer dry for years on end, while offering no tangible skills to the country.

'There's no good reason they can't continue do that from this side of the House,' said a government spokesman.

Starmer: 'Stop the boats... full of Tory defectors'

Keir Starmer – the answer to the question who would finish third in a Keir Starmer lookalike competition, behind a Keir Starmer cardboard cutout and a Henry Hoover with print out of Keir Starmer’s face stuck on – has been forced to clamp down on the sheer number of Tory defectors to Labour.

One Labour MP said 'Most Tory MPs are sociopathically addicted to power and so have no problem changing parties in their lust for control. These Tory immigrants are arriving in small boats, sailing across the floor of the House of Commons. We could deport them to Rwanda for processing, but apparently, "that’s illegal". Boooooooring.'

'The Tories say we should leave the ECHR, but that's because the H stands for Human and so it doesn't apply to them.'

Photo by Dimitry Ljasuk on Unsplash