'It's OK for smaller creatures like meercats - for them it's simples' said Ollie the elephant 'But suitable accommodation for me and my wife Ellie costs a fortune and is a much bigger problem'. 'It's even worse for us' said Ginny giraffe 'We're having a real struggle to find anywhere suitable at all - it's been a real pain in the neck.'
The monkeys, too, are having problems, especially the chimpanzees. 'There's a load of us' said Charlie Chimp 'and we need enough space to sit down at our typewriters, as well as somewhere providing enough peace and quiet to be able to finish writing all these playt - oh, fuck it, I mean plays. Bollocks, now I've got to start from the beginning all over again. Please excuse me.'
The only tenants who seemed less worried were the hyenas, who hoped they might be adopted as domestic pets and therefore not need to rent cages, so would be laughing all the way to the bank.
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First published 4 Sep 2022
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Updated: Sep 17
Their home is now close to collapse, with the risk of them being pulverized to ground-up pork. In the mid-90s they were assured that this was the most cost-efficient wolf-repellent. However recent studies show they would have done better to stick with straw and anti-wolf cladding.
The building is so structurally unsound, that the wolf no longer needs to huff or puff, a small sneeze will do it. One hairy-chinned pig complained: 'It's all a bit Grimm. Our fairytale house has turned into a nightmare.'
The original contractors were unavailable for comment but someone said there were seven of them and one of them looked a bit Dopey.
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First published 2 Sep 2023
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