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Nigel Farage Exempt From Bushtucker Trials and Eviction



With the latest series of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! starting on Sunday night, producers have announced that former UKIP leader and peddler of £80 Birthday Messages Nigel Farage will be exempt from both Bushtucker Trials and Eviction due to his lack of a spine.


At the series launch press conference, Ant or Dec elaborated on the situation for the producers. 'Due to injuries sustained in both a plane crash and seven failures to get elected to parliament,' they began,'Nigel has been left with absolutely no backbone of which to speak. As such, to avoid anything as embarrassing as losing to a man dressed as a dolphin, and to maximise his fee - I mean viewer enjoyment - he is not eligible to do anything other than use the show as a platform for his views with no repercussions. To avoid claims of a fix on social media, we are also pleased to announce Nigel as the winner of the 2023 series.'


Fans of the show had mixed views about the situation, with one commenting on Twitter, "I loved the idea of Nigel surrounded by anuses and testicles, it would be like his show on GB News. I'm glad he's already announced as the winner too, as I couldn't stand another one like Kerry Katonia.'




Matt Hancock found living wild in ‘I’m a Celeb’ Jungle

Ever since featuring in ‘I’m a Celebrity’ last year, reports indicate that Matt Hancock never left the Australian jungle featured in the hit reality series, but is instead living as a wild mammal in the local ecosystem. Ahead of the upcoming season, the filmmakers returned to scout new filming locations when they stumbled across the former Health Secretary living wild with a colony of koalas. Speaking to press, a bewildered producer described the bizarre encounter:


‘It was a real shock to be honest with you. Our boom operator found him clinging tightly to a tree, fast asleep and half naked. He had made himself a hair-piece out of twigs and leaves which a few birds had made a nest in. We all thought he made it safely back to the UK last year, but I suppose no-one had really thought of him very much.’


After waking, he treated the film crew as a threat and is said to have uttered a noise similar to the word ‘Farage’ before scarpering off on all fours. A local Koala expert provided additional context to how Matt Hancock may have found himself here:


‘Koalas are notoriously languid creatures, preferring to sleep most of the day than engage with one another. When they are awake, they are known to dribble urine and make slow grunting noises. If Matt Hancock was to display any of this behaviour in the presence of a Koala population, they may just accept him as one of their own.’


As a result of the remarkable discovery, ITV has released plans to make Hancock’s new living conditions a post-show requirement for any politicians looking to appear on the show, beginning with Nigel Farage’s debut on Sunday.




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