In news that has left a shell-shocked country utterly shell-shocked, bereft shoppers have been plunged into a sea of misery by yet more strike action news.
Workers at the state-of-the-art Lynx factory in Hartlepool have voted overwhelmingly in favour of an immediate walkout. This led to dramatic shortages of the much sought-after deodorant on the nation’s high streets, leading to outbreaks of violent and frenzied panic buying.
As he lay in the middle of the high street after succumbing to a mild cardiac arrest, Ray Divots was more concerned about the Lynx Africa shortage than his ambulance, which was already three days late.
“I’m not walking about smelling like a cat’s minge" said Mr Divots in a ghastly northern accent. "Blokes like me are utterly dependent on Lynx Africa at Christmas. What else am I going to buy the brother-in-law?"
The government has been quick to deny union accusations that it had refused to come to the negotiating table or negotiating bathroom vanity unit for that matter.
A spokesman defended the pay award to the Lynx workers, saying that it was set by the independent perfume review body and you don’t get any more independent than that. He went on to announce that the government has put thousands of sewage treatment workers on standby in case this whole thing leaves a nasty taste in everyone’s mouth.
image from pixabay
First published 22 Dec 2022
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