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Badenoch and Man Utd manager in race to get sacked first


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Fans are not optimistic about the longevity of either appointment, given how shambolic their teams are and their insistence that the only winger is a right winger. The situation is not helped by the long list of previous failures, with Rishi Sunak losing the general election to a man with all the charisma of Kettering Town FC.


Known respectively as the Red Devils and the Blue C$nts both have struggled to win. Bookies have suspended betting on the distinct possibility that they are sacked simultaneously, by playing Kemi as centre forward.


One Tory insisted they would be lucky to get a mid-table finish, while Utd fans said they would be happy just to win a by-election in Chelsea.


As someone sagely observed: 'The only guarantee is that neither will be getting into Europe any time soon.'




Guardian decides identity politics not such a good idea after all


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The election of Kemi Badenoch as Tory leader has led leftwing firebrand newspaper the Guardian to conclude that maybe identity politics isn’t such a good idea after all.


”For years, our position has been not to judge issues on their merits, but to automatically take the side of any minority group involved. Except on gender, where we assume the majority (women) must be in the right.


”Obviously that’s not ideal when the Tories have a black female leader, almost certainly facing a white male Labour leader at the next election.


”Fortunately we have an out, which we call the “Uncle Tom” or “coconut” clause, which applies when an ethnic minority doesn’t believe or act as we think they should. Basically, we’re arguing that by being successful, the person has essentially become white. Which is in no way racist on our part. I think.”


The spokesman went on to say that the Guardian would have no problem having a black editor, as the only criterion has always been that they should live within five minutes' walk of Hampstead Heath.




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