There's a hole in my budget dear Keir

There's a hole in my budget dear Keir, dear Keir,

There's a hole in my budget dear Keir, a hole.

Then mend it, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, dear Rachel,

Then mend it, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, mend it.

With what shall I mend it, dear Keir, dear Keir?

With what shall I mend it, dear Keir, with what?

With taxation, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, dear Rachel,

With taxation, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, taxation.

There's nothing left to tax, dear Keir, dear Keir,

There's nothing left to tax, dear Keir, nothing left.

Then grow the economy, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, dear Rachel,

Then grow the economy, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, grow the economy.

With what shall I grow the economy, dear Keir, dear Keir?

With what shall I grow the economy, dear Keir, with what?

With infrastructure spending, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, dear Rachel,

With infrastructure spending, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, infrastructure spending.

Spending needs money, dear Keir, dear Keir,

Spending needs money, dear Keir, needs money.

Then budget for it, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, dear Rachel,

Then budget for it, dear Rachel, dear Rachel, budget for it.

But there's a hole in my budget dear Keir, dear Keir,

There's a hole in my budget dear Keir, a hole

Image: Pixabay/Mohamed_Hassan

"See how much better it was under Tories?", insists liar

As the U.K saw sustained rioting and extremist violence over the weekend, mentally underpowered political pundits have sought to erroneously remind the nation how much better things were under the previous government with one quoted as saying "Sure, almost every metric for measuring quality of life saw a significant drop under Tory rule, but at least there wasn't rioting!"

In response, John Forshaw, along with almost everyone else who could mentally form accurate memories, advised "If you ignore the many riots that took place during Conservative's tenure, they raise a good point." 

Forshaw continued "If you use you hippocampus, you might also recall 14 years of near constant crotch-ups, humiliations both national and international along with a denseness of stupidity so over-whelming it almost caused the nation to collapse in on itself like like a black hole, albeit a black hole that couldn't be trusted with money."

Forshaw added "Obviously the current sustained campaign of fear and intimidation is not ideal, but if we just treat the rioters like 6 year olds they'll punch themselves out, eventually."

"Then like any crabby six year old, they go on the naughty step, which in this analogy is one of His Majesty's high security prisons."

Forshaw added "Then we can get back to Labour's relentlessly underwhelming leadership as opposed to the Tory's outright malicious rule."

Image: Pixabay/aitoff

Stonehenge tunnel cancelled so developers can build new houses there

The proposed tunnel under Stonehenge has been cancelled in order that builders can throw up an estate of houses around it.

Locals are concerned that the vibrations from the traffic in the tunnel will disturb the residents of the restored ancient main building, when they've re-roofed it and turned it into flats, as affordable accommodation.

'What are you whinging about, you bunch of NIMBYs?' asked a Labour party spokesman 'It's not green belt - it's already got a building on it, been there for millennia!'

image from pixabay