Careless talk costs elections

Tories accuse Labour of stealing their dressing up clothes

Following the release of photos of Keir Starmer wearing military fatigues, the Conservatives have accused Labour of 'sneaking in to No 10 and stealing all our dressing up clothes'. Labour have denied the accusation, pointing out that Boris Johnson burst the buttons on the government soldier outfit, forcing Rishi to resort to using an Action Man outfit found in a charity shop.

The Government remains unconvinced as they say they can't find the cowboy outfit, but it was pointed out that the Conservative Party was the cowboy outfit.

Image: Luke Ow (@luke_ow) | Unsplash Photo Community

Labour did not oppose ceasefire, except yes, yes it did

As a tentative hostage exchange is agreed in Gaza, the Labour Party have been backpedalling like a unicyclist rolling down The Alps. Smiling through gritted teeth, the Shadow Cabinet look as happy about peace as Ghengis Kahn's arrow supplier.

Hastily re-writing history with Tipp-ex and a crayon, Sir Keir now claims he sacked pro-peace members of his party due to an admin error. This is known as 'Schrodinger's Starmer' simultaneously lying to your face and talking out his arse.

He has even been forced to bin 1000 t-shirts printed with 'We don't negotiate with terrorists'. A spokeswoman curtly explained: 'We will tell you our position, just as soon as the US has told us what it is.'

Image: PublicDomainPictures - Pixabay

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