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Trump cleared to stand for Labour

Trump is to stand in North Islington, on a platform of corruption and bottom pinching. Many would think being a convicted felon would be a negative, but as one member of Labour's NEC said: 'He's a right-wing demagogue, with a criminal record as long as your arm, what's not to like?'

Labour's purge of left-wing MPs has opened up an opportunity for candidates more attune to party policy, such as the corpses of Margaret Thatcher and Jeffrey Epstein. Trump spoke of his excitement of turning Islington into a golf course, stripper bar combo.

Trump's lack of ethics has caused alarm in the Shadow Cabinet, due to plagiarism.

Asked if they felt Trump would change the party: 'He may struggle to match us for nepotism, but we are all on board with his idea to add 10ft to Hadrian's Wall. He even comes with a red tie.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

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