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Lee Anderson broke 30p spending limit, refused to attend spending awareness course




Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party, Lee Anderson, has expressed regret at exceeding the national spending limit of 30p in built-up areas.


The government department for Getting Senior Ministers Off, now the largest sector of the Civil Service, said, 'Mr Anderson should have known better, as it was he who imposed the 30p spending limit himself. He approached us about attending a specially organised one-to-one spending awareness course, but we were already overstretched getting the former Attorney General Suella Braverman off all the laws she has been breaking.'


Rishi Sunak has denied that he knew about Lee Anderson's transgression which took place last summer. He also denied keeping that nugget in his top pocket until such time as 30p Lee might undermine his position in an attempt to become Prime Minister himself, to then use it as a shot across his bows, or even as the reason to sack him from his senior position in that special way which can only be referred to as a resignation.


In an unrelated fiasco, Suella Braverman has claimed that she already knew everything there is to know about speed after a night out with Michael Gove.




First published 22 May 2023


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Lee Anderson – blink twice if you need help

We’re growing concerned about Lee’s welfare. It’s like a scene from Tom Brown’s schooldays or Lord of The Flies. Or maybe the first act of The Devil Wears Prada but with an oafish ex-miner instead of Anne Hathaway . . . no, that doesn’t work, and I’ve got the two images stuck together now. That’s a good w*nk ruined.


We ask: is Lee Anderson the subject of workplace bullying?


Nigel doesn’t let him use the season ticket for Question Time, he answers questions on Lee’s behalf and he’s passed him over for a spokesman – sorry, Shadow Ministerial – post. NewsBiscuit asks: is Lee being held against his will?


(Sarah Pochin was also passed over for the “shadow cabinet” but we reckon she can look after herself – she’s rumoured to shoot laser beams from her eyes. Look at them. Terrifying)


Lee, on the other hand, is one of nature’s naives. He likes to think that poor grammar and a regional accent make him ‘hard’, but he’s soft where it counts – in his prefrontal cortex. All Lee wants to do is join political parties, insult strangers on Twitter and play on his tyre swing. Rumours abound that Nigel won’t let him even talk to Rupert Lowe, in case little Lee fancies his chances at a fourth party and the Guinness Book of Records.


So Lee, if somebody reads this out to you – blink twice on the news and we’ll come and rescue you. We can rehome you with people who won’t mock your IQ or make you eat vegetables and we’ll even try to find others of your species to keep you company. Or a mirror.



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