From midnight tonight, all of your lightbulbs are obselete. New, more efficient and greener bulbs will be available from tomorrow.
'It's the circle of light,' said an industry spokesman. 'Once you only had bayonet fittings bulbs in clear or pearl. Then we invented different wattages. Then it was mushroom fittings. Then it all went to cock.
'It was IKEA's fault. They wouldn't do bayonet fittings, so suddenly half your light fittings needed one of those stupid American screw ups. You know, the ones that work their way loose when they get hot.
'Then greedy manufacturers realised that - just like inkjet printers - you're stuck buying the bulbs once you've bought the lamp. So we get golf balls, mini golf balls, SES fittings, halogens, strip lights, GU10's, MR13's and AK47's. No, I made that last one up. Please don't try to order those on line.
'So, all of the old stuff is now redundant. P45's will replace most old bulbs, or failing that a UB40 or an IHT 400 or triple A's. Old light fittings are inefficient, ugly and too big, so the new bulbs will only fit new lights. The changeover will be fine, just like Freeview, decimalisation, DAB radio, Blue-Ray or stamps with barcodes. Boy scouts will be available to help, and they've all had first aid training.
'The government is fully behind the switch over (switch over - geddit?), but recognises that some people may spend some time in the dark. Why not use that time to reflect on how much time you've wasted replacing old things that worked with new things that don't?'
Image: qimono - Pixabay
