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Overnight returns reveal a low turn out for dogs at polling stations all over the country. Owners have been accused of 'dropping the ball', and giving their pets 'the runaround'.


This election has been 'dogged' by several scandals, including rumours of Pals and Pedigree Chums, along with XL Bullying and brown nosing.


Working dogs, however, have done relatively well, managing to shepherd some support. Smaller, small nosed dogs have remained pugnacious.


The Kennel Club have reminded voters that this was just a local election, and for Police Dogs. They have promised a much better turnout for the National event, Crufts, later in the year, but say people need to bring along documented proof of pedigree.


photo: Photo by gotdaflow on Unsplash




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Extra staff are being brought in to act as "Greeters" at polling stations. The government says the staff are needed to ensure voters have the required I.D. and has denied rumours that a contract to supply the extra staff was given to the Wagner Group PMC.

The Minister for Corrupt Elections explained that Wagner Group employees are fully committed in Russia for the foreseeable future, so wouldn't have been able to supply the extra staff; then went on to lament the demise of the Met's Special Patrol Group who would have discovered whether voters had the required I.D. by strip searching them.


Instead the government is proposing to offer other hardened criminals shorter sentences if they sign up to do the work and meet the government's targets.


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/ulleo-1834854/


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President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has commended the BBC and other news outlets for their balanced coverage of the UK local elections. 'I'm glad the Russian invasion didn't interfere with the robust reporting of how many dogs were taken to the polls, who lost overall control of a local authority even the locals didn't know existed and how failed 80s pop stars can't even win a popular vote.


'I did ask President Putin to avoid doing anything controversial while the elections were on in case it diverted the attention from Wandsworth, Hull and Bridgend. As it happened he dropped a thermonuclear bomb on Kyiv and I personally assassinated Putin while everyone in Russia was following the local elections.'



Image from Pixabay by mounsey


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