Lib Dems “forgot to produce manifesto for London Mayoral candidate”

There was embarrassment at Lib Dem headquarters today as it was revealed no one had bothered to write a manifesto for their candidate for London Mayor.

“Look, there’s only so many hours in the day,” said harassed party worker Jeremy Sandals. “There’s only enough money for a couple of full-time staff, the rest is done by volunteers, when they can fit it around their work for the Crafts Council and the Vegan Society.

”So naturally we tend to focus on things that seem worth doing. Council elections, for example, since we do win the occasional seat, and general elections of course.

”But London Mayor? The most we can do is split the liberal vote and let the Tories in, so we don’t really bother.

”All the same, we ought to go through the motions, so it’s a bit embarrassing we didn’t even write a manifesto this time. I’ll be looking into what went wrong, as soon as I get a spare moment.”

Pressed for more information, Sandals admitted he didn’t even know whose name they’d submitted as a candidate. “Bloody hell, it’s not me is it?”

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Consequences of that ULEZ judgement

London Mayor insists Russian tanks will pay the congestion charge like everyone else

Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, has warned President Putin that if his tanks arrive in the UK shortly after demolishing Ukraine and the rest of Europe, he'll pay a heavy price.

'We're not just talking about increasing the service charge on the multi-million-pound apartments snapped up by filthy rich oligarchs. No, we're going to hit Putin where it hurts. His 50-ton tanks all run on diesel, so they'll be paying the full £15.00 charge a day. I can't see any proposed invasion of the UK lasting that long while it incurs significant levels of costs.

'I've also spoken to TFL and the unions to organise tube and bus strikes as soon as the tanks and soldiers reach London. They won't be able to bully Islington and Kensington into submission if they can't travel anywhere, will they? However, if they behave themselves and services are restored, we could issue them with Oyster cards. They'd then be able to take advantage of off-peak and discounted rates as we could classify them as being on work placement in the capital.'

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