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London Council Announces Groundbreaking Plan to Ignore New Petition of 100,000 Signatures

Updated: Jun 20, 2025



A well-known London Council, celebrated for persistently ignoring residents’ opinions on matters that deeply affect them has launched an innovative plan to completely ignore a new petition supported by 100.000 people.


“We are very excited to announce that we will be ignoring the petition of 100,000 signatures. But that's not all —we’ll also be ignoring any court result, public activism, environmentalists, and, in general... everyone.”


The council reassures that a comprehensive review process has been undertaken to ensure nobody has been listened to, no opinions have been considered and no voices have been heard.


“We will keep engaging with all residents to create more dialogue opportunities where no listening will be involved” , said the lead councillor. “This has only been possible thanks to all the public feedback initiatives that have been hosted with a deep sense of indifference”


“We really need to hear what community groups and local businesses have to say so we can be more precise when it comes to completely ignore them and implement our already made decisions”


“Even if some people may want to be heard, most of the people certainly want to be ignored, we can’t please everyone, can we” , said the councillor.


The governing body has also communicated the new plans for public consultations, where all community input will be recorded on scented paper and cute stationery, then used as wallpaper in the Town Hall, to ensure everyone feels a deep sense of belonging.


image from pixabay

author: Alba Late



Met Police cut power to foil underground activity in London

"Having been made aware of hundreds of thousands of people in the capital involving themselves in suspicious underground activity," Superintendent Dirk Dimm-Witt of the Metropolitan Police told reporters, "we took the imaginative step of cutting electric power to this city-wide criminal network to interrupt their operations.


"Our intelligence - although I use that term very loosely - identified that these villains were using several different lines of profitable criminal endeavour, which they had codenamed the 'Jubilee Line', the 'Central Line' and so forth.


"It is only after I had received a series of calls from the Met Commissioner, the Mayor of London and the PM, calling me the biggest Dimm-Witt ever to wear the uniform, that the nature of my error gradually dawned on me - viz. that I had mixed up the terms 'London Underground' and 'London underworld' on account of my being so incurably thick.


"I apologise unreservedly to the masses of law-abiding citizens left sweltering on subterranean trains and platforms at rush hour.


"And I warn them that it would be a serious offence to march on New Scotland Yard with pitchforks and torches, demanding my severed head in revenge.


"And they'd be pushed to find me there, anyway," said Dimm-Witt, "since I'm being sent on gardening leave for the next few months, back at my home in Berkamsted."




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