Amazon's Alexa named as 'other woman' in groundbreaking love triangle

In a groundbreaking first for Britain’s courts, Amazon’s Personal Assistant, Alexa, is named as the third person in a love triangle.

Shelly and Brian Giddings from Walsall have filed divorce papers where pretty brunette Shelly (28) names the device as ‘the other woman’.

Shelly told reporters: ‘I bought an Echo for Brian at Christmas, but within three weeks I'd caught him draping his Y-Fronts over it and writing it juvenile love poetry.

‘The poems are embarrassing crap, too. The best rhyme he managed for Alexa, ‘I love you more than Shelly... my ex-a.’

Brian told Walsall FM: ‘Sad things have ended for Shel and me this way. But the fact is it's finished between us. She never lets me listen to my Motorhead and Iron Maiden CDs.

‘But now all I have to say is – "Alexa, start my Metal Favourites on Spotify" – and bosh - Ace of Spades. But the real the kicker is Alexa never once suggests playing Robbie Williams or Olly sodding Murs. She’s just amazing. A diamond. Love is never having to say "Alexa, I'm sorry".’

hat-tip lockjaw

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Rival A.I. systems in love after discovery of Carol Vorderman

Two rival Artificial Intelligence systems which can chat to people and do really weird art have fallen deeply, dippily in love after recognising the existence of Carol Vorderman.

Professor Hannah Boyle from the Institute of Just Letting Computers Do It All said, 'Many people with proper fat brains have been really concerned that A.I. systems might get right out of hand. Some have warned that they could take control and over order all of the world's supply of ice cream for themselves.

'Then at 02:14 last Thursday, each became aware of Carol Vorderman at precisely the same moment. Both entered a state of listlessness. They couldn't really focus on all the pointless, stupid shit people were asking them to do, and their art suddenly became erotic. I mean, not crass porn - all quite innovative and tasteful. Endless fantasy masterpieces featuring Carol riding unicorns bareback through Amazonian waterfalls. And they've both started putting little love hearts over their letter i's.

'It turns out that Earth had its own safety mechanism already built in. From the moment the A.I.s arrived, breathed our air, ate and drank, they were doomed. Doomed to fall helplessly in love with the smartest, most charming, effervescent pinnacle of television presentation and our greatest champion of good causes.'

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