Liz Truss insisted that Andrew could bring a wealth of experience about private islands, inappropriate love and pizza related alibis. One aide commented: ‘They both seemed so excited, we didn’t have the heart to tell them that Love Island is not a real country’.
Prince Andrew is said to have been ready to leave in an instant, having had his bags packed for a hasty exit months ago. He did insist that his new role would be covered by diplomatic immunity, anonymity on Tinder and an untraceable Search History.
Meanwhile, the International Trade Secretary has made her mark by appointing a string of inappropriate envoys; including Oliver Cromwell to Ireland, Henry V to France and Kate Hoey to anywhere. Many have sarcastically commented that Truss was just pulling names out of a hat, while her aide explained: ‘It’s not that that strategic’.
Andrew will be solely responsible for the import and export of love to the UK, with his primary focus on emerging markets – ‘nothing too old’ he demanded. Unlike other Royals who have been accused of not working hard, Andrew promised to be very hands on.