Flambéed town hall needs pinch of tarragon, says critic

Angry French protestors have taken to the streets of Bordeaux after the government imposed a rather indifferent pot-au-feu that may have been over seasoned. Cars were set alight and buildings ransacked as furious pensioners demanded a simple but rather delicious confit de canard.

A spokesperson said: ‘Macron is forcing Pinot Noir down our throats, and it tastes a bit corked. We've had an œuf.' The French government is asking people to emulate British protestors by staying at home and watching episodes of Isle d'amour instead.

An angry British tourist whose holiday was disrupted by the protests said: ‘I am absolutely incandescent with rage. Why isn’t somebody else doing something about it?’

Aftermath Riot Protest - Free photo on Pixabay

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First published 26 Mar 2023

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Defendants claim President Macron is really a lowland gorilla

Ten people have gone on trial in Paris this week for claiming that the French President Emmanuel Macron is really a lowland silverback gorilla.

Conspiracy theorists point to the bushiness of his opposable thumbs and the thickness of his eyebrows. A video of Macron using a straw to scrape out a yoghurt pot went viral after people said it was just like the famous video filmed by the late naturalist Jane Goodall which showed a silverback using a blade of grass to scoop out ants from a tree trunk. Way to go Monsieur President!

His wife, Brigitte, admits that ‘Manny’, as she likes to call him, does like to swing on the bannisters at the Élysée Palace and has been known to beat his chest at election time. ‘But to suggest that he is a forest dwelling primate with the strength to fell trees is absurd’.

Nevertheless, the rumours persist which is why the Macrons have taken action. It is now likely that Macron will take a DNA test to prove that he is more human than gorilla. Meanwhile in an unusual move the judge has allowed a delivery of bananas when Macron is in the dock.

image from google gemini

Handling a constitutional crisis with sang-froid