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The US President is finally spending some time on domestic issues, aiming to placate his MAGA base, who are concerned about living costs.


After shocking bankers by capping credit card interest, the President has moved on to other cost of living issues.


The latest initiative is to cap prices on things that MAGA supporters regard as essentials.  This includes eggs, which Trump voters prefer scrambled.  The price of eggs will be capped at five dollars a dozen, which will make egg production in the US uneconomic.  Importing eggs is not an option as they are subject to tariffs of10%4%22%50%200%33% at the time of writing.  However, if you can actually find any to buy, then they will be a bargain.


Donald Trump is also expected to sign Executive Orders to cap the prices of Big Macs, bullets, rifles, baseball caps (excepting those with political slogans), bumper stickers, all clothes larger than 2XL, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, Jello, golf clubs, peanut butter, fake tan, Cheetos, American flags, American (but not Mexican) beers, after-sun cream (soothes red necks), blueberry muffins, Dr. Pepper, jogging pants, pretzels, pop-tarts, cable TV, pick-up trucks, Twinkies, microwaveable cheese, weight-loss drugs, lottery tickets, and barbed wire.


Economists are shaking their heads sadly, but are also looking forward to tucking in to some cheap chow. They predict that these price controls could reduce US inflation to around 1%, although the collateral damage could be the closure of thousands of American businesses and the loss of up to a million jobs.  Donald Trump has welcomed these predictions, describing them as ‘a price worth paying.'





'It's the geopolitical equivalent of pin the tail on the donkey' bemoaned one US general, over the high pitched sound of Donald Trump's giggling. The General sighed and gave the President a lollipop for not soiling himself


The world map - a flat Earth - was of dubious quality, with many countries known by their MAGA names and New Zealand omitted altogether. 


Russia is known as 'Our Good Friend Putin's Russia'. So is Ukraine, Belarus and everything in between Moscow and Berlin. Canada is called North USA. Mexico is South USA, Spain is Old Mexico, Venezuela is Oil USA. Greenland is green, whilst Epstein Island is redacted. Togo is how the President likes his McDonald's order and the UK is called Airstrip One.


A statement from the New Zealand government said 'He doesn't know we exist. Sssssshh.'


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