Scientists invent semiidiotics to explain Trump's dumbness

Have you ever wondered why Donald Trump tries to get a peace deal with Iran by repeatedly bombing it? Or why he ever attacked Iran in the first place?

Political scientists have developed a new discipline called semiidiotics to try and account for every bungling mistake he's ever made - over tariffs, America's 250th anniversary celebrations, the east wing of the White House, and all the rest.

'The only problem with semiidiotics,' said Professor Hiram B. Pipesucker of the University of New Dworkin, 'is you have to be a halfwit to even start understanding the policies of this unbelievable oaf.

'We're now working on another system, called full-on-idiotics, to make Trump's behaviour completely comprehensible to total imbeciles. We're hoping they can then explain it to the rest of us.'

Image: WixAI

Local authority sets up alternative to Fifa World Cup

Given the current domestic political unrest in the US, and the ridiculously inflated FIFA pricing protocols, the Scottish local authority of Fife has decided to create the FIFE World Cup.

"Aye, going back tae the guid auld days is whit we're after," said President of Fife World Cup, Joe Havelunch, from the World Cup HQ in Glenrothes. "We'll be makin' use o' three existing world class stadiums. One in Dunfermline, hame of the Athletic, one in Methil, hame tae East Fife, and the other in Kirkcaldy, hame tae Raith Rovers. These hae a combined capacity of over 22,000. Not much over, mind you, but this is oor first World Cup, so baby steps tae begin wi'

"Hotel accommodation is plentiful and cheap. I've spoken personally tae the head of the Fife Tourist Board, and I've been reassured that even if both the Premier Inn and the Travelodge here in Glenrothes are fully booked, Mrs Teuchter always has a couple of spare beds in her wee glamping pods at Pitscottie.

"Transport and infrastructure could not be easier. Did ye ken that the two main routes into Fife, the Forth Road Bridge and the Clackmannan Bridge, are toll free? And nae remarks aboot us Scots missin' an opportunity there, right?

"And if the extreme situation occurs where Mr Trump has difficulty deciding whether he prefers Fife tae Fifa, I'm pretty sure the presence of a wee old golf course or two in St Andrews might just swing the balance. And nae need for fake prizes or awards.

"Aye, we hope to ensure that all the matches in our World Cup live up to the famous old free-scoring standard of East Fife 5 : Forfar 4 "

I voted for this and I am happy with this, and I am not in a cult

Standing defiantly in their red, made in China hat, a MAGA political fanatic repeated some recently learned phrases about short/long term gainpain before rambling the following diatribe:

'I voted for new wars, higher prices, paying for tariffs and masked government officials shooting Americans. Trump said he was going to alienate us and undermine NATO, he said that, I voted for that, and now he is doing it. I really wanted a new war, really, really wanted billions of dollars spent on a new war and not spent on helping Americans. I really wanted that, I always said I did, Trump was always about new wars, Kar-marl-lah would have got us into World Peace Three by now. A new war in the Middle East is everything I wanted. I think he is always right all the time, and he can do nothing wrong, so how is that like a cult?

'No one said they’d lower prices, no one said that. That would be insane. Massive price increases on everything, then sometime in the future, he said he would lower prices. How can you not understand that? Are you stupid, piggy?

'I have always hated Canada so much that they need to be part of the USA. Trump campaigned on taking Greenland, I have said this for ages that we need Greenland, always a top priority. Even though Trump has stopped talking about that for a bit.

'Trump always said he was going to protect rich people from being investigated in the Epstein Files. He would not stop saying how much he was going to only release a few bits, and that we should be happy with that and move on. I wanted that and it has happened. Promises made and promise kept.

'Trump also said I that I don’t miss my family. He campaigned on that and I am happy with that. It's painful when your own family can't see the obvious truths. So, I've just been suffering the short term pain for ten years now….'

Image credit: perchance.org