We’re all heartily fed up with seeing Donald Trump in his baseball caps with assorted children slogans on, right? In England, we got fed up with seeing William Hague in a baseball cap after about a week, so the whole Donald Trump thing has been a massive endurance test.
Donald wears his baseball caps all the time – at work, playing golf, in the shower, doing interviews, whatever. He probably deeply regrets not wearing one that time he was shot – missed out on a lot of free publicity. Donald sells his caps online – official Presidential merch, just send sixty dollars and your voter registration form. Would you like gold trainers with that? We assume that he is selling lots of baseball caps to his acolytes, and we assume that he’s making lots of money.
But why are his faithful supporters so keen on buying baseball caps from Donald Trump?
Following an in depth investigation, and pre-authorised expenditure of sixty US dollars plus postage and packing, we can now reveal why those baseball caps are so popular.
The attraction of the caps to Republican Party members, MAGA supporters, MAHA supporters, Proud Boys, hockey moms, and QAnon members, is all down to the materials used.
The caps are made from all-American cotton and the dyes are from all-American chemical companies. So far, so good. But the clincher is the lining. Each official Donald Trump baseball cap is lined with all-American tin foil It’s actually aloominum, not tin foil, but let’s not get distracted. Whatever it’s made of, it is guaranteed to fend off any Cuban embassy like sonic attacks, Russian mind control rays, errant 5g phone signals, radio waves from Gaydar, and alien abductions.
This also explains, of course, why the purchasers are so keen to wear them, even though it makes them look like small children who are copying their parents. It’s because you can’t put a price on your health – even though RFK is giving it a good try.
