Local authority sets up alternative to Fifa World CupLocal authority sets up alternative to Fifa World Cup

Given the current domestic political unrest in the US, and the ridiculously inflated FIFA pricing protocols, the Scottish local authority of Fife has decided to create the FIFE World Cup.

"Aye, going back tae the guid auld days is whit we're after," said President of Fife World Cup, Joe Havelunch, from the World Cup HQ in Glenrothes. "We'll be makin' use o' three existing world class stadiums. One in Dunfermline, hame of the Athletic, one in Methil, hame tae East Fife, and the other in Kirkcaldy, hame tae Raith Rovers. These hae a combined capacity of over 22,000. Not much over, mind you, but this is oor first World Cup, so baby steps tae begin wi'

"Hotel accommodation is plentiful and cheap. I've spoken personally tae the head of the Fife Tourist Board, and I've been reassured that even if both the Premier Inn and the Travelodge here in Glenrothes are fully booked, Mrs Teuchter always has a couple of spare beds in her wee glamping pods at Pitscottie.

"Transport and infrastructure could not be easier. Did ye ken that the two main routes into Fife, the Forth Road Bridge and the Clackmannan Bridge, are toll free? And nae remarks aboot us Scots missin' an opportunity there, right?

"And if the extreme situation occurs where Mr Trump has difficulty deciding whether he prefers Fife tae Fifa, I'm pretty sure the presence of a wee old golf course or two in St Andrews might just swing the balance. And nae need for fake prizes or awards.

"Aye, we hope to ensure that all the matches in our World Cup live up to the famous old free-scoring standard of East Fife 5 : Forfar 4 "