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How to boycott American goods



Donald Trump is messing up world trade, and it’s important that everyone registers their disapproval.   Everyone can make a difference.


Here’s how to send your protest to the White House:


  • Swap Coke and Pepsi for Vimto and Irn-Bru

  • Swap Mickey Mouse for Dangermouse

  • Watch rugby instead of American football, netball instead of basketball and rounders instead of baseball

  • Watch Sherlock instead of Elementary

  • Swap Bud for Watney’s Red Barrel and drink tap water instead of Bud Light

  • Swap American rednecks for a British sunburn all over (weather permitting)

  • Swap RVs for a static caravan. Vehicles that big are just dangerous to drive.

  • Swap Typhoons for Ty-Phoo



Musicologist points out the cyclical nature of music popularity



As “The Lunatics Are Taking Over The Asylum”, a popular British track from the early days of the Thatcher era become top of the American Hit Parade, Professor M.Odelmaker told Newsbiscuit there’s nothing new under the sun; and we can anticipate a revival in popularity of The Specials “Ghost Town” being played in every MAGA supporting town across the USA in the coming months.


The Professor went on to explain how these songs were more recent interpretations of the traditional folk music that generations of people around the world grew up hearing in folk clubs if they weren’t so stupid as to emulate the singers’ 70s practice of putting their fingers in their ears as they sang them, so never got the message that rich bastards were only ever interested in screwing fair maidens and nation states.


The Professor offered to play us some recordings from his extensive collection, which have tales of the prettier young boys and maidens, who weren’t exported from Africa to the West Indies as slaves, but were brought to England instead, for the pleasure of the aristocracy on a scale that would have impressed Caligula.


Unfortunately, we were unable to stay to listen to the Professor’s gramophone as we had a bus to catch; and had heard there was going to be a new Ukrainian teen refugee debuting her career as a stripper at the Rat and Ferret.




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