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A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler.


White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a full deck of cards.


Other items handed in recently include a sandwich, which may have been part of someone’s picnic, and the storyline of a play, which indicates someone has lost the plot.


When someone from the lost property department went to ask the President about the items, he wasn’t in his usual rocking chair in the Oval Office. It would appear that Trump has gone off his rocker.





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An ambulance has taken two hundred and fifteen years to drive from Salford NHS trust to 37 Slurry Drive in Salford. Remarkably this is longer than it has taken the British Museum to think about returning the stolen Elgin marbles to their rightful owners.


The trust CEO, Norman Brimmer, said they were working hard to bring times down so that patients wouldn’t have to wait longer than a century or fifty years in emergency cases of cardiac arrest or getting your head stuck in a bucket.


'Two hundred and fifteen years is rather a long time,' said Mr Brimmer, 'but to put things into perspective, that’s only twenty-five years above national government targets.'

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