Canada to rename Gordie Howe bridge

Canada has, with a heavy heart, announced plans to rename the recently opened Gordie Howe bridge that links Canada to the US.

'It's not big, and it's not clever,' said Premier Mark Carney. 'I feel that we are being dragged down to Trump's level. But we have agreed to match tariffs dollar for dollar, so we can't let the big orange man-baby rename Lake Ontario without a response.

'From Monday, the Gordie Howe bridge will be officially renamed the Donald Trump Is An Economically Illiterate Bully And A Big Fat Loser And An Epstein Loving Pervert Bridge. We've already bought the web domain.'

image by Grok

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Canada-UK Partnership Ensures Continued Supply of Apologies

As a Precursor to the G7 Summit taking place in Canada this week, the Prime Ministers of the UK and Canada met in Ottowa and struck a historic accord that ensures closer collaboration on the sharing of apologies between the two nations.

"Our profound friendship and similarities are what unite us," said Stanley Cupp, Canadian Minister for Trade. "Canadians have always been distinguishable from Americans in two ways: the fact we'll put maple syrup on literally anything, and that if someone bumps into us we'll apologise rather than try to assert our second amendment rights. By sharing the manufacture of regrets with the UK and removing duties, we're confident that both countries will continue to be able to say sorry whether the mistake is on our part or not."

Both Mark Carney and Sir Keir Starmer are said to be arriving at the event in Alberta laden with freshly-minted atonements and contritions to share with the other delegates. They're confident there's more than enough for everyone due to the likely disparity between the amount they believe Donald Trump needs, and the amount he'll actually take.

image from pixabay

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