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Musk vs Zuckerberg in 'The Grapple at the Sistine Chapel'


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In what nobody is really buying as the "fight of the century", a w@nker billionaire with too much facework to let anyone touch it is goading a w@nker billionaire with an alien hairline which if slightly tugged might unravel the entire being.


Fisticuffs promoter, Gill Bates said, 'Normally, I get quite passionate and over-the-top for a big fight. But this match-up has all the appeal of an intact rice pudding. Look, they might be working really hard on their Chinese burns and wedgies, but I can't see it climaxing into anything more than frantic fly-wafting.


'But you get paid a few million to hype this crap up, so I've got my team working on the most important thing - what to call it. The Rumble in the Jungle, it certainly won't be - more like "The Twisty-Titty in the Vatican City".


'Anything like the Thriller in Manilla would be a slight case of over-billing, so maybe "The Cower at the Bell Tower"? Or "The Towel Flicker at St. Mark's Basilica"?


'If either of them come up with an innovative move, then we haven't ruled out "The Thumb-up-the-Bum at the Colosseum".


For the moment, though, the working title covers the most likely outcome for both of them: "The Weep Bitterly in Italy".'




First published 15 Aug 2023


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What the changes to Facebook mean for you

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Facebook has stated that it will comply with anything Musk tells Trump to tell Zuckerberg.  With immediate effect, it will cease checking facts.  You read that correctly, apparently up to now it has been.  Well, to be fair, it checked the facts it passed to Analytica a few years back.  Sort of.  Anyway, for those concerned what this move means, here is how it will affect you.


Cat videos will almost certainly be AI generated.  By cats.  They have always controlled that part of Facebook.


Photographs of half-eaten meals will almost certainly be fake.  At least we can hope they are fake.


Videos of people falling off buildings in comedic ways will remain to be fake.  Unless they originate in Russia, in which case please look away.


Adverts selling tat nobody needs at exorbitant prices will remain. Adverts selling useful stuff at prices too good to be true will remain too good to be true.


All your private and personal data will be sold to anyone and everyone.  That wasn't part of the deal, it's just how Facebook works.


A government spokesman stated that the government is unconcerned about the changes to Facebook.  'As far as we can tell the only people still using Facebook are geriatrics, and as we've choked their ability to pay for electricity over the winter they almost certainly won't notice the changes.  We're certain we can squeeze more cash out of pensioners by the spring, so they'll continue not to notice the changes.'


Concerned citizens are recommended to change their social media to Friends Reunited, their search engine to Ask Jeeves, and to avoid sharing their personal details with their cat.


Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash



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