The Tories are promising to protect the NHS by delivering growth.
Growth, we are told, will also deliver levelling up, the Northern Powerhouse, HS2, better pay for teachers, police and nurses. Growth is also confidently expected to defeat long covid, cure cancer, sort out the Northern Ireland protocol, deter asylum seekers and exonerate Boris. But not Matt Hancock. Or Michael Gove. Or Owen Paterson.
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A kangaroo anus with a keen sense of integrity and a moral compass has refused to have anything to do with Matt Hancock. 'I've got dignity, you know,' said the anus.
'That man is absolutely disgusting and I won't go anywhere near him. He makes me sick, even though he isn't in charge of the health service any more. And I feel such overwhelming shame that I've been connected with him in any way.
'Most of all, I feel sorry for his poor wife. She's had to put up with even more sh*t than me.'
In unrelated news, a lucrative kangaroo anuses contract has been awarded to Matt Hancock's pub landlord.
