You have the right to write nothing, but anything you do write may be put through a spell check, Grammarly and used in evidence against you. Anything you do not write, but attempt to use in your defence or in a newspaper article in the future may be used against you. Any misuse of apostrophes may result in prosecution. Do you understand the caution? No, us neither.
Please answer the following questions accurately. By accurately, we mean as we expect them to be answered.
Did you attend any parties/work gatherings in breach of covid regulations? (Y/N)
Did the Prime Minister attend any of the parties/work gatherings you did or did not attend? (Y/N)
Is your Civil Service/Cabinet potential/tenure as head of Metropolitan Police dependant on the Prime Minister? (Y/N/depends on the conversation next time I meet the lying bastard)
Do you have any photographs to back up your answers?
If yes, the Chief Whip/head of the Civil Service/Black Ops personnel will discuss alternative career options/burial plots
If no, please reply to this email.
Signed C Dick (ex Desk Sergeant)