Trillionaires' Shortbread maker goes into receivership

It was a classic case of 'spot the gap in the market'. Two entrepreneurs from San Jose built a business making Trillionaires' Shortbread to satisfy the tastes of people like Elon Musk and, er, Elon Musk.

'People like Elon shouldn't have to put up with mere Billionaires' Shortbread', one of the identical whizzkids said. 'You might as well serve him Millionaires' Shortbread or Middle Management Shortbread. The notion!'

Musk's trillionairedom was so short lived that the pair didn't sell a single bar and have had to tell their backers that their money has vanished. On the plus side this creates a new market for Recently Impoverished Shortbread which is just a plain biscuit.

No pedants were harmed in the making of this story.

image from Grok

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That five million pounds: an explanation

The five million quid was a gift to guarantee my security. I bought an expensive house, because it would be easier to secure, and I bought some of those switches to turn the lights on and off to make it look like you're at home.  And I need the rest of the money for my other safe houses. I can't say where they are, I'm afraid.  At least one of them is in Britain.  I needed security because I wasn't going to be an MP, and lots of people were very upset about that.

The money also covers dry cleaning for my suits - getting out banana milkshake, for example.

No, wait. It's a reward for achieving Brexit. 27 years work. That's only £185k a year. Not that it was a payment.  It was a non-taxable reward - for me, not the country.  It is a reward for things that I've done in the past. There is no expectation that I might do anything in return, in the future.

Actually, it was a lottery win. No, I didn't keep the ticket. Yes, it was a British lottery. Definitely not EuroMillions.

I found it in the street in Westminster. I took it to the police, but nobody claimed it, so it's mine.

I won it, after betting on myself to win I'm a Celebrity.

I earned it on Cameo, but I earned it outside the country so it's not taxable. That's what Angela told me, anyway.

I had a really valuable Pokémon card, which I sold for five million quid.  A picture of a lizard that evolves into a toad, or something.  It was called Chameleozard, I think. That's where the money came from.

It's not my money, it was just resting in my account.

Can we talk about something else now?

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Warren Buffett puts his fortune in Greggs

Warren Buffett, known as the Sage of Omaha for reasons probably only known to Americans who know where Omaha is (estimated at < 10%), has liquidated his fortune in US banks and invested in UK firm Greggs. This has pushed up the share price up from £17 a share to £3 quadrillion a share.  Buffett is known to be partial to a Greggs pasty, and was sold on the vegan sausage roll, which he said reminded him so much of President Trump but didn't explain why.

Greggs said the investment will allow them to increase their market presence, currently running at three Greggs per high street, to a Greggs every other store in England and Wales.  As they haven't perfected the deep-fried vegan Jock Pie, they will delay their move into Scotland until Bill Gates throws his weight behind them.

Picture credit: Wix AI

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