The all-out annihilation of Palestine - ideally accompanied by the death of all Palestinians - can now proceed with an active chorus of international approval, after the Israeli government claimed that Palestine was listening to tinny versions of Ibiza anthems from its phone speaker whilst on the bus.
One Netanyahu apologist added, 'Asking them to put headphones on is only giving the terrorists what they want. The only logical response to this moderately rude behaviour is the total destruction of Gaza, the annexation of the West Bank and the killing of every Palestinian man woman and child.
'Now that we've made up this obvious lie, we can really accelerate the slaughtering. Hooray! From the river, to the sea, from tinny tunes, we shall be free.'
Image credit: perchance.org
Religious groups around the world have been hit as God has announced that from September, prayers would only be answered via 5G.
Even the Vatican has echoed the complaints; "5G service is quite patchy around here", said a disgruntled Pope, "I was close to negotiating world peace, an end to hunger and Donald Trump being sent prison when I realised there was no signal and only one request got received. So, fingers crossed.
First published 28 Aug 2023
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