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Northern men welcome mobile phone with just 3 emojis


Samsung has developed the Samsung Northern, a mobile phone aimed primarily at Northern men.


‘Our other phones typically have 200 emojis’, a spokesman said, ‘to represent the full range of human emotions. Market research in Warrington indicated that 3 would be plenty. It seems that people are intimidated by anything with a broader emotional range than themselves, so we’ve gone with 'Happy, Sad, Don’t Know.'


The Samsung Northern also has a Pienav, which plots the most direct route to the nearest Gregg’s in an emergency. Northerners had mixed emotions about the phone (emoji 3), telling researchers that while it stereotyped Northerners and contributed to an unhealthy and lazy comedy trope used by second-rate satirists, bloody hell there’s a Gregg’s just round the corner.


Image credit: Wix AI and deskpilot

Mobile phones will enable people to X-ray themselves and other proposed NHS reforms



Wes Streeting has outlined some of Labour’s plans for the much-needed reforms the NHS needs, and told Newsbiscuit that the clever use of technology will be a key feature in delivering these reforms.


“We’ve been talking to leaders in the fields of technology that people already possess, to ascertain how it can be integrated into proving them with better health outcomes and among these that phone manufacturers like Apple are keen to provide is the ability to use their phones to X-ray themselves with.” he said.


Mr Cook, Apple’s head chef, told us the technology has always been available on iPhone pro models, but they were holding back on unlocking it until the NHS became so dire under the Tories that people would be prepared to pay the unlocking fee, and of course upgrade to a pro model if they'd been silly enough to buy the shit versions.


Other NHS reforms being considered, is allowing Amazon to deliver healthcare treatment with online orders.


An Amazon spokesbot said “We have drivers delivering goods to every street in the country, every day of the year. It would be far more efficient to make use of our workforce to deliver healthcare as well, instead of the palaver people have getting GP appointments. People would just need to order goods to a value of £250 and tick the box requesting the driver gives you the once over when he calls. If the driver thinks you need medications, they would automatically be delivered by drone the same day.



IT genius manages to change phone without losing WhatsApp messages



Professor Sir Bill Steve Jobs Gates FRS has astonished the IT world by buying a new phone without losing his WhatsApp messages.


An exhausted Sir Bill emerged from his state of the art lab triumphantly clutching his new Pixel 8 phone and modestly said, "I've done it."


When pressed for how he'd managed this miracle he explained the procedure in a greatly simplified form.


"I logged into my account on the new phone, then half an hour later all my stuff was there. I actually let my 8 year old do it."



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