MoD to be funded by new Firework Tax

In some "out of the box but away from a naked light" thinking, the traditional model of funding the Ministry of Defence is to be dropped, and replaced with a 10% levy on all fireworks sold.

"It's a given that the Great British Public enjoys an impromptu firework display" said a Government Spokes-sparkler, "so we are linking this love of bangs and explosions to directly fund the defence of this great country"

Senior MoD officials were initially dismissive of the proposal as a joke, but an impromptu study carried out on New Year's Eve 2021 showed that the near continuous 4 hour barrage in the Portsmouth area would have generated enough income for a new aircraft carrier, four regiments of tanks and the down-payment on a Death Star.

Additional "firework" celebration days are now being proposed by the MoD, with Good Friday being followed by Whizz-Bang Saturday, Shrove Tuesday paired with Rocket Wednesday, and all remaining Bank Holidays designated no low-flying days to maximise the explosive fun.

Image: PublicDomainPictures/Pixabay

NASA can see Brexit f$ckup from space		Shock as world completely runs out of news

www.newsbiscuit.com

First published 2 Jan 2022

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Lego to Replace Bitcoins

Tory charm offensive '50% successful' claims spokesman

'We've been working on a long-game strategy, building a charm offensive,' said a Conservative spokesman today.  'Lee Anderson, obviously was our secret weapon,' he said to surprised journalists.  'Everyone agrees he's a weapon, so that's halfway there,' he added.  'Victoria Atkins, obviously is a new secret weapon, replacing a long Conservative tradition of fielding weapons as Health Secretary.  We think Gillian Keegan has demonstrated enough natural weaponry to justify being seconded to the MoD for weapon trials,' he crowed.

'So, our charm offensive is well on the way to 50% success,' he said.  'Practically everyone considers us offensive, we've just got to try and work out how to bring charm to the table,' he added.

Image: Newsbiscuit

Another month, another Ministry for the Flotsam Kid