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Following the announcement that Reform-led councils will block staff from joining the Local Government Pension Scheme, Deputy Leader of the party Richard Tice has told current members of the plans they will now be paid in a new digital currency called Farage Bucks.


"It's very simple," The MP for Boston and Skegness said from his home in Dubai. "Nigel's a bit of a whizz in the world of Crypto, so we've taken the council pension pots and transferred them all into a memecoin based on his image and popularity, much like President Trump. So long as he stays in the media's eye with positive stories, pensioners will keep getting paid and the value of their pots will grow much more than through traditional investments like the stock market."


In Durham, one of the ten councils now under Reform UK's control, retired council employees had mixed opinions about the new payment arrangements. "I think it's wonderful," said one person at the local working men's club. "I've even taken the contents of my ISA and put it into my pension pot, as having a million Farage Bucks means you get a framed picture of the man himself signed by one of his assistants."


Another was slightly more suspicious, "It's a bit cheeky that I have to use an exchange in the UAE owned by Isabel Oakeshott to turn my Farage Bucks into Sterling," he said. "The fact it automatically includes a 1% donation to Reform on every transaction is also a bit of an eyebrow raiser. But what else can you expect from old frog-face? Some of us have already started calling his money Baron Greenbacks."


image from pixabay




It has been announced that that the recently announced Margaret Thatcher Centenary event, due to take place in the former Prime Minister's hometown in October, will charge an entry fee inverse to how much money a person actually has.


"It's really quite simple" said one of the 'Festival of Thatcher' organisers "the poorer you are, the more you have to pay. It's exactly what Mrs Thatcher, bless her soul, would have wanted. We really wanted to pull out all the stops to mark 100 years since her birth, and this seems like the perfect way."


"For instance, if you're on benefits and want to come along it'll be £250 to get in each, and that's with no child rates. For the slighty more well off it'd be £100, if you're an executive in a well paying job £25, if you're Jacob Rees-Mogg you'd only have to pay £10 for a family ticket and if you just happened to be a billionaire hedge-fund manager you'll get in for free and also receive a souvenir bag!" 


Although not all of the events have been announced they are expected to include such attractions including games (including Sink the Belgrano and Dunk the Miner), stalls selling various Thatcher memorabilia starting at only £500 and finally the unveiling of a solid gold statue of the Iron Lady charged exclusively to the taxpayer.


"We're all very excited and everyone wants to do their part" said one local "One of my mates is dressing up as John Sergeant and letting people interrupt him and have their staff shove him out of the way."


image from pixabay

author: Garibaldi




Recessions are a pain.  Prices are going up, businesses are going bust, and shops closing.  The media has a field day, going on about zero growth, recession, household budgets, unemployment, stagflation, recession, poverty, job losses and recession again.  Politicians go bonkers trying to pretend it’s not happening, or that they can see green shoots, or some other nonsense.  No-one needs that much depression and anxiety.


But! Good news!   You can enjoy a recession if you are well-prepared.  Here’s how:


1. Stop buying books and papers.  Swap books with your friends and family. Read the news on-line.  Hell, most libraries will let you read newspapers on-line – for free!  Charity shops have lots of books, but don’t every pay the cover price - haggle.   It’s fun!


2. Stop eating out.  It's too expensive.   And some of those chain restaurants are only microwaving freezer food anyway.   How can a bottle of supermarket plonko that costs £4 end up costing £15 in a café? Learn how to cook your favourite dish at home.   Have friends round to eat, and get them to bring a bottle or two.  Or three.  Or more...


3. Stop work.   Have you worked out what that job is costing you?  Travel costs, meals, work clothes, whip-rounds, tea club, student loan repayments, union fees?  Do your sums and figure out if work is really worth it.  If you can’t quit, then maybe just go sick for a bit.  Put your travel savings into a jam jar and have fun with that money later.


4. Go for a walk.  Fresh air is free (unless you live in a city).  Exercise is good for you.  And you might find some money on the pavement.   Become a dog walker – then you get paid to go for a walk.


5. Cancel all those subscriptions you never use.  If you’ve watched all the good stuff on Apple TV, Paramount, Discovery, and Lionsgate (why did you ever pay for that?), then cancel now.  Why not swap some of your old DVDs with friends or family.  Maybe Frozen 2 will be better than you think?


6. Take up drawing.  You can get free pencils from Ikea, and you can draw on the envelopes that junk mail comes in.   It’s completely free.  And who know?  You might turn out to be as good as Picasso.  Or better.


7. Don’t spend.  In a recession, shops get more and more desperate.  Sales are increasingly frequent.   Well known stores are closing down.  All those stupid shops that you hate suddenly have no customers – hurrah!   Retail is a game of poker.  Wait as long as you can.  Only buy stuff when prices hit rock bottom – when it’s ‘cheaper than not having it’. That’s how to win at shopping.  (OK. You do still need to buy some food. But do remember that you can get free food from Olio and foodbanks.)


8. Don’t vacation.  Why not do a house swap with friends or family?  Have a holiday at home – stay up late, get very drunk, sleep in all day.  Wear the same clothes for a week (spray yourself with Febreze if necessary).  Do not attempt any household jobs.  Perfect!


8. Stay cheerful.  Doom and gloom is all in the mind.  Yes, Donald Trump is a dangerous idiot – but at least he’s a long way away.   Yes, Gaza, Ukraine and Somalia are all horrible – but at least they are a long way away.  In fact, most horrible things are a long way away, so stay home and celebrate that.



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