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Reform UK has thrown it's weight behind equal opportunities in the corruption, lobbying and bungs sector, following revelations that it has taken donations from an associate of the leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran.


'While we may previously have described the ayatollahs as Muslim madmen who are greater dangers to the UK than Russia' said a party spokesperson Ronald Garage, 'it now turns out they could be greater donors than Russia, too.'


'So let's put an end to this nonsense that we're prejudiced. We don't care about the colour of your skin, only the colour of your money. As long as you don't want to come and actually live here of course.'


Sources suggest the party is preparing to go even further into the Axis of Evil to prove it's openness to working people from all corners of the world, with a waterskiing holiday with Kim Jong Un pencilled in. 'Yes he spouts a load of lefty claptrap' said Mr Garage, 'but underneath all that talk, Mr Wrong Un is just a regular guy who likes living in luxury while keeping the plebs onside with scary stories about foreigners. We can definitely do business.'


Image: WixAI



'We have been totally convinced by Mr Farage's explanation that the conversation where he conspired to violate political donation laws was simply loose pub talk. Therefore there is no case to answer' said Sir Derek Dimmo, KBE, of the Crown Prosecution Service.


'I mean, no one ever plans a criminal act in a pub, do they? For instance, if three armed robbers were seriously discussing a raid on a petrol station, they wouldn't do it while drinking lager in a corner of the saloon bar. No. They'd hire a meeting room with a whiteboard and a secretary to take the minutes.


'Except when the petrol station gets robbed 20 minutes after they've downed their pints and got their shooters from the back of their van.


'Hang on,' continued Dimmo. 'Could someone get Mr Farage into an interview room, toot de sweet?'


Image: WixAI


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